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10 WORST HALLOWEEN CANDIES

by Karen Phillips

10 WORST HALLOWEEN CANDIES

RANDOMLY COMPILED

BLACK LICORICE

I’m not sure if there are people out there who still enjoy eating licorice, but if there are, they’re old and they’re not trick-or-treating. The consensus among the kids I talked to was that they don’t like its salty, medicinal taste. Plus, black licorice has actually been shown to cause health problems when consumed in large quantities. So give out something a bit more delicious this year and steer clear of the licorice candies like Good & Plenty. Twizzlers aren’t a big hit either.

TOOTSIE ROLLS

Although these little guys are a classic and they are pretty easy to eat on the go, they’re not the best choice when trying to appease the masses — especially the flavored ones. I remember appreciating a few Tootsie Rolls here and there when there were no other options, but they were never my go-to candy choice. My gymnasts said they tend to leave these mediocre pieces at the bottom of the bag, and either trade them with their friends for better options, or eat them when in desperate need of some sugar. But if you choose to ignore me and go for Tootsie Rolls anyway, at least stay away from the flavored ones.

NECCO WAFERS

What are these things? They’re chalky, hard, thin, sweet, flavorless discs, and they’re just not good. I think the company mass produced too many of these back in 1847 and they’ve been selling that batch ever since. Trust me when I say that no one eats these. Do your neighbors a favor and save them from having to try one.

3 MUSKETEERS

This one makes me a bit sad, because I enjoy a good 3 Musketeers bar from time to time. Especially because it has 33 percent less fat — less than what, I don’t know, but it does and that’s why I like it. However, I’m not dressing up and going door-to-door this year. The kids I polled said this was one of their least favorite chocolates, so I figured I’d relay the message. If you get a variety pack and these are included, save these for yourself and give the kids the more desirables.

TAFFY

Some taffy is delicious. With that being said, some is disturbingly unpleasant. Kids love Airheads. Laffy Taffy is also high on their list, just not the banana kind. Kids also like certain flavors of salt-water taffy, but not those orange and black Halloween ones. I think they’re peanut-butter flavored, but they’re not yummy. Speaking of peanut-butter flavored taffy, make sure you stay away from those old-school Mary Jane “taffy-like” candies, too.

DUM DUMS

These lollipops are too small to enjoy. End of story.

CANDY CORN

I like candy corn, and it’s definitely a Halloween classic, but have you ever sat and eaten just one? Or even a few? No. Once you open a package, you end up eating so many that you get a funny film in your mouth and an annoying ache in your stomach. And I think adults like them more than kids. If you decide to get these, get the mini packs, and don’t get the Jelly Belly brand — they’re not the real deal. Get the kind made with real honey.

SMARTIES

These candies are just plain boring. There’s nothing specifically wrong with them, they’re just… blah. No real flavor, no real anything. Just compressed, chalky sugar, with a little tang. This won’t be a crowd pleaser, and kids won’t run down the street sending their friends your way, but no one will egg your house because of this decision either.

SIXLETS

These rainbow-colored candies are nice to look at, and their packaging is pleasing to the eye, but the fact that they’re chocolate “flavored” really turns me off. What’s wrong with springing for real milk chocolate? Now all you’re getting is imitation M&M’s, but with fewer to eat, and no actual chocolate to enjoy. Where’s the win?

WHOPPERS

I can handle eating one or two of these, but that’s where I draw the line. The concept isn’t all that bad, but the dry, malty insides are a bit overpowering when you try to eat too many. And that’s what Halloween is all about — overindulging. So pick something else, please. Let the kids vomit because they ate too much, not because they didn’t like what they ate.

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