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Amuse bouché 2.28.07

by Brian Clarey

Things are falling apart, people, and the center gave way a long, long time ago.

If I’m reading the harbingers of doom in the culinary world correctly, then surely the end is near.

The rats have taken over at Taco Bell, at least in Greenwich Village where an extended family of the whiskery little darlings was videotaped last week in full frolic, scampering across countertops and climbing on upturned stools.

Shiver.

And peanut butter, favorite spreadable food item of boogery children everywhere, may now be classified as a dangerous weapon after a salmonella outbreak that dates back to August was traced to jars of Peter Pan from a Georgia manufacturing plant. And it goes without saying that you can’t make a fluffernutter without it. George Washington Carver must be turning over in his grave.

And KFC is cashing in on the season of Lent by offering a fish sandwich of battered Alaskan pollock which it has asked Pope Benedict XVI to bless before the holy season.

Only divine intervention, I believe, can save us. Which, as it turns out, is one of the themes central to the Jewish holiday of Purim, which falls on March 4. On Purim, it is said, everything is allowed, so the Chosen People really cut loose on this day, boozing it up until they can’t do math (that’s not a joke… ask around) and eating poppyseed pastry. And a word to the wise: If you haven’t had homemade kreplach or gefilte fish and washed ’em down with a juice glass brimming with Manischewitz Loganberry, then man you haven’t lived.

Speaking of wine, Bert’s Seafood Grille will be holding a wine tasting on Tuesday, March 5 of French and Italian labels with light appetizers for $25 a head.

Ben & Jerry’s, makers of the greatest fat-guy food in the world, broke ground for a new High Point location at the Palladium last week.

In other dairy-related news, Dean Foods Co., which owns Land O’ Lakes, Horizon Organics, PET ice cream and a slew of other lactose-laced labels, has taken a stand against the clones by refusing to use milk from genetically engineered cows in any of their products. Good move, Dean Foods – clones are sneaky and I’ve heard they don’t have bellybuttons.

And today, Feb. 28 at Poblano’s Mexican Bar & Grill a portion of all sales will be donated to the SPCA, who have yet to issue a statement on the Taco Bell rat thing. The first 25 customers who mention kitties and puppies get a free gift, which hopefully will not be a PBJ with the crusts cut off.

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