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Ann, we need a break

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A letter to Ann Coulter (CCd to our readers)

Ann Ann Ann. What are we going to do with you?

It’s been nearly a year since we ‘“threw you in the mix,’” as it were, here in our Voices section with the intention of widening the playing field of discussion on the subjects of the day. In that time we’ve fielded more than a dozen letters calling for your removal (and, to be fair, more than a couple from your fans). We’ve endured countless complaints from your enemies on the streets and in the bars and coffee shops of Greensboro. We’ve had potential advertisers balk when they heard your name and even alienated some of our dearest friends who for the life of them cannot understand why we’d give a harpy like you a forum for your demented and angry views.

Those are their words, not ours.

And we defended you, Ann. She has a right to her opinion, we said. It’s important to have diverse viewpoints on an opinion page, we said. We showed you to our conservative readers as an answer to a perceived bias in our pages. We likened you to the Dice Man and called your material ‘“schtick.’”

That’s not such an easy stance when you consider that you’ve been bounced from operations like MSNBC (for saying on-air to Bobby Muller, president of the anti-war group Vietnam Veterans of America Foundation, ‘“No wonder you guys lost.’”), the National Review (for a vitriolic piece after 9/11 that was ultimately spiked) and USA Today (for labeling the women at the 2004 Democratic National Convention ‘“corn-fed’… pie wagons,’” among other things).

We stood by you, is our point.

But we’ve been having some trepidation these last few weeks. We feel like you might be letting us down.

We don’t care so much about the rumors of drug use and promiscuity ‘— it is called the Republican ‘“Party,’” after all. But Ann’… voter fraud? Plagiarism? Saying that Al Gore during the Clinton years ‘“seemed kind of gay’”?

Okay, that one was sort of funny.

But slandering 9/11 widows? Not cool, Ann. We know some of those widows. And even if we didn’t, we’d still want to know what the hell is wrong with you.

What’s wrong with you, Ann? You used to be kind of cool, albeit in a smarmy, sort-of-evil way. You were recognized by the Clare Booth Luce Policy Institute, for crying out loud. If that old gal were around today, we don’t think she’d even take your calls at this point.

Honestly Ann, we’re thinking about breaking up with you. No we haven’t met anyone else (though we won’t deny that we’ve been looking) and we’re not quite ready to give up on you just yet.

But we are going to talk to our friends about this and see what they think.

We’re asking our readers to take our online poll (at yesweekly.com) or e-mail the editor (editor@yesweekly.com) to tell us what they think about all this.

These things happen, Ann. And whatever comes of this, take comfort in knowing that it’s all for the best.

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