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[BUSTED]

by Alex Ashe

The best and worst of Triad police blotters, as compiled

SUICIDE IS PAINFUL

James Chadwick Shearin surrendered peacefully and uninjured about 5:33 p.m. on May 7 at approximately 5:33 p.m. after barricading himself in his residence at 15 Moss Cove Court in Greensboro near Cornwallis Drive. He had been in his house for almost two hours. He had been threatening suicide when he called a relative. After some cajoling, Shearin allowed police to take him into custody and was taken to a local mental health facility. Thankfully, police reported no injuries whatsoever.

COME ON IN MY KITCHEN

Tysha Swift and her roommate, Feberstrine Bass, got into an argument at their apartment on Utah Place in Greensboro on May 6. Bass stabbed Swift with a kitchen knife, thus ending the argument. EMS treated Swift on scene for non-life threatening injuries while Bass was placed into custody for assault with a deadly weapon inflicting serious injury. The only thing that can drive two roommates to this kind of violence are pizza toppings. Or unrequited love. Or dirty dishes left in the sink until ants come. Oh, man. I’ll be right back…

BLOOD RED WINE

A male suspect, 6’1”, of unknown race accosted two employees of the Total Wine on High Point Road in Greensboro after they closed the business for the night on May 6. After demanding money, the man fled when an employee ran away. The suspect never received any money and is still at large. People always rob liquor/beer stores for money. Presumably they will later buy liquor/beer. I feel like a smash and grab on some liquor might carry less stiff a penalty, guys. Just saying.

COME TO MY WINDOW

Officers responded to an apartment on East Montcastle Drive in Greensboro in reference to an attempted burglary at about 12:21 a.m. on May 7. Resident Anthony Solomon heard 19-year-old Bryan Keith Jr. attempting to break into his home by throwing objects at his windows. Keith was arrested for misdemeanor breaking and entering. I’m not sure how big the objects he threw at the window were, but maybe he just wanted to talk and Solomon is a heavy sleeper?

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