Bush Has Known What He’s Doing All Along
I had a major epiphany over the weekend that has forced me to reevaluate my stance on our president, George W. Bush, and impels me to take back every nasty thing I’ve said about him since 1999. All the boneheaded decisions, all the seeming miscalculations, all the defending of indefensible positions – now they all make perfect sense in light of my revelation.
You were right all along, Mr. President, and I hereby apologize for calling you “Duh” all these years, lately changing my characterization to the “Duhcider,” for the “Bumbling Baron of Brinksmanship” during the run-up to what I now see is the fully justified war on Iraq, for the “all-hat-and-no-cattle cowboy from Crawford who shoots from the hip and drips from the lip” accusation, and most recently for the “sober asshole” crack.
Dating back to August 2001, to the first column I wrote calling for your impeachment, I now see you had it figured out all the way back then. We should have known that no one could be so out of touch as to pull the US out of the Kyoto Protocols. Oh, the slings and arrows you’ve suffered since, Mr. President. And then the courage it took to unilaterally start a war against a sovereign nation that posed no threat to us, knowing the international outcry it would cause. But to keep it going for the duration of your presidency without getting impeached took pure genius, sir. I salute your bravery, your surety of conviction, and most of all, your cojones. Those and a hundred other decisions that defied all logic have now come into focus.
My wake-up call came compliments of a Tom Friedman column in which he posited that all the green initiatives in the world are inconsequential in the face of the unbridled industrial growth in China, that our pitiful efforts at sustainability, energy conservation and alternative fuels research are but a drop in the bucket of what it would take to reverse global warming.
Suddenly not one but two lights went off simultaneously that made me realize what you’ve known all along but could not divulge because of the panic that would ensue. First, the issue that no one talks about anymore but has only gotten worse since Paul Ehrlich warned us lo those many years ago in The Population Bomb. Guess what, boys and girls – it’s still ticking. Now it all makes sense: There are now too many of us on the planet for it to sustain us. We’ve already used up too many natural resources and there’s no way to recoup what is lost. Second, global warming has already passed the tipping point, that life as we’ve known it is drawing to a close, that all the blather about reducing our carbon footprint is a couple of decades late to do anything about it.
So, those two factors taken together can only lead to one inescapable conclusion, the conclusion you came to early in your presidency that explains all your beyond cockamamie decisions: There are too many people on earth, and for the species to survive on the shrinking land mass, a few billion folk need to go bye-bye.
Now I get it, sir. This explains you war without end policy. Obviously Iran and Syria must be drawn in, as well as India and Pakistan, since they both have nukes. This little skirmish in Iraq is but the prelude, but since we don’t want to appear to be the bad guy, we let one of them drop the big one, so that we can respond with the bigger one, or two, or however many it takes to annihilate a few mil.
No wonder you’ve never even mentioned diplomacy. How silly would that be?
But that’s only one facet of your gem. Just think of all the folks whose lives would be prolonged if stem cell research were allowed to proceed. Why, we’d have millions of old folks still boogeying who needed to croak long ago, taking up valuable space.
Likewise your opposition to universal health care. Prolonging life is clearly counterproductive, and besides, where are we going to put all these old geezers since most of the retirement areas like Florida, California, North and South Carolina and all the Caribbean islands are going to be underwater in a few years?
AIDS schmaids. Fuggedaboutit. If population reduction is our mandate, AIDS is one of our best weapons. Ignore it and pretend you don’t.
Ditto your support for the NRA and indifference to gun control. I know, handguns only account for 20,000 or so deaths a year, but, hey, every little bit helps.
Your policies that favor only the richest of the rich now make sense, too. Obviously we want the culturally elite to survive, given that they are likely more intelligent, motivated and fit than the great unwashed, and we do need the gene pool to be relatively untainted in case the Earth rebounds in a thousand years. Yes, that does smack of fascism, but, really, who wants a bunch of poor folks running around trying to govern a post-Apocalyptic world. Don’t you people watch the movies?
So, you continue to stay the course, Mr. President. You da man.
Ogi may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org, heard Tuesdays at 9:30 a.m. on the “Dusty Dunn Show” on WGOS 1070 AM, and seen Fridays at 6:30 a.m. on ABC 45 and Sundays at 10 p.m. on WMYV 48 on “Triad Today,” hosted by Jim Longworth.