Desperate times call for desperate measures
The argument I am about to propose is born out of sheer desperation. It is not grounded in any logic that I can discern, has very little basis in fact, has no real-world evidence to support it. It is made solely as an act of last resort, the dying gasp of a distressed soul.
Let’s call it, for lack of a better phrase, the “what the hell” ploy – as in, I’ve tried everything else and nothing’s worked; what the hell. What have I got to lose?
To backtrack, one or two of you may have noticed that I am not George “Duh” Bush’s biggest fan. After he is out of office I’ll tell you what I really think, but for now – since I don’t want to wind up in Gitmo with a bag over my head, water being poured down my inverted nostrils and a cattle prod up my ass – let’s just leave it at that. I’m just not crazy about the guy, okay?
Anyway, through an ungodly convergence of events, at the precise moment when he should have been shoveling cow dung in Crawford, he found himself acting the role of “president” of the United States. He climbed up the rubble of the World Trade Center, picked up a megaphone and… well, you know the rest of the story. In the best instance in the history of mankind of using the old “shotgun to kill a fly” approach, some $3 trillion, 4000 American deaths and almost a million Iraqi deaths later, we find ourselves in the desperate-beyond-belief situation we’re in today.
And besides that, he missed the fly.
And he was going after the wrong fly!
Five years later and no end in sight, what’s left to do? With a spineless Congress, an apathetic electorate and a complicit media, Bush and Cheney are going to avoid impeachment and serve out their terms, start “replenishing their coffers,” and leave it to President Obama to try to repair the wreckage they’ve wrought. Over the past seven years I’ve written every column I know to write to make the situation remotely palatable, to give me some semblance of serenity, to get a little temporary relief. To no avail. While I’m out here with blood spewing out of my ears, he’s Tiny blanking Tim tiptoeing through the friggin’ tulips.
I mean, I’m so close to the edge, I actually took a friend’s advice and bought The Secret, that bit of warmed-over, don’t-worry-be-happy, Norman Vincent Peale, I’m-okay-you’re-okay hokum that turned into a license to print money once Oprah picked up on it.
I suppose that was my initial “what the hell” moment. But then I cast all rationality aside and started reading the thing. Strike two. I suspended disbelief long enough to get through most of it and, honestly, began feeling a tad better about myself and my immediate surroundings, if not the world at large. Then I came to the chapter titled “The Secret to the World” which began with a passage that – if believed – would explain why nothing I/we have done to render Bush powerless has worked, why nothing in Bushworld makes any sense, to wit:
“In our society we’ve become content with fighting against things. Fighting against cancer, fighting against poverty, fighting against war, fighting against terrorism, fighting against violence. We tend to fight against everything we don’t want, which actually creates more of a fight.”
Then it went on to say, “The anti-war movement creates more war…. So, if you’re anti-war, be pro-peace instead…. If you’re anti-a-particular politician, be pro-his opponent.”
And then the zinger: “Often elections are tipped in favor of the person that the people are really against, because he’s getting all the energy and all the focus.”
So, could it be possible that I/we have been going about it all wrong? By focusing all our energy toward emasculating him, could we have actually made him more powerful?
But now comes the hard part. The book goes on to say, “If you curse your enemies, the curse will come back to harm you. If you praise and bless them you will dissolve all negativity and discord, and the love of the praising and blessings will return to you.”
Okay, I’m not at all comfortable doing this, but here goes:
President Duh, I mean, Bush, I wish you a happy and contented post-presidency. I harbor no ill will, as I am confident you felt you were doing the right thing all along. It so happens that we disagree on virtually everything, but it’s time I put you out of my mind for good. I have every reason to believe that things are going to get remarkably and stunningly better once President Obama takes office, but until then, Godspeed, my brother.
Boy, that hurt. I’ll give it a month and get back with you.
Ogi may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org, heard Tuesdays at 9:30 a.m. on “The Dusty Dunn Show” on WGOS 1070 AM, and seen on “Triad Today” hosted by Jim Longworth on ABC 45 at 6:30 a.m. Fridays and on WMYV 48 at 10 p.m. Sundays.