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FREE WILL ASTROLOGY

by Rob Brezsny

VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): It’s Build Up Your Confidence by Any Means Possible Week — for Virgos only. During this holiday, you have an astrological mandate as well as a poetic license to pluck the easy victories. So go ahead and solve the kinds of riddles that are your specialty. Arrange to be in situations where your perspective is desperately needed. Put yourself in the presence of people who think you’re a gift to the human race and subtly encourage your secret admirers to be less secretive. If you have any trophies or awards, make them more visible. There’s no shame in bragging this week, Virgo, but for best results do it with your best understated elegance.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): My firstdemand is that you weed out the wishywashywishes and lukewarm longings thatkeep you distracted from your burningdesires. My second demand is that yourefuse to think that anyone elseknows better than you what dreamswill keep your life energy hummingwith maximum efficiencyand beauty. Now please repeat thefollowing assertions about 20 times:“I know exactly what I want. I knowexactly what I don’t want. I knowexactly what I kind of want but Iwon’t waste my time on it any morebecause it sidetracks me from workingon what I really really want.”SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):Ants may literally be crawling inyour pants as you pull off a savvy coup ora brilliant stroke. An annoying pest may tryto distract you at about the same time thatmovers and shakers are tuning in to yourmagnificence. But I don’t mean to imply thatminor irritants will undermine your victories.I think you’re too unbeatable for that to happen.At worst, you’ll have a mild headache asyou receive your reward or stumble slightlyas you stride into the spotlight.SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Thatwhich can be destroyed by the truth shouldbe,” wrote author PC Hodgell. I wishthere were a gentler way to articulate thatwisdom, but I can’t think of one. InsteadI’ll suggest a way to applyit so as to make the endresult more graceful thanshocking: Don’t pourout the whole truth all atonce in one big dramaticgesture. Do it graduallyand tenderly. As you do,keep in mind that whenthe truth has finallydismantled the thing thatcould not endure the truth,you may be able to use thedebris as raw material tobuild something new thatthe truth will feel right at home in.CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Whatif a billion Chinese people jumped up intothe air at the same exact moment? Wouldthey create, at the moment they landed, ashockwave that would cause an earthquakeon the opposite side of the world, in Chileand Argentina? No one knows. I’d like topropose a not unsimilar but more interestingexperiment. What if every Capricorn whoreads this horoscope reserves one minute atexactly 1 p.m. EDT on Sept. 12, and duringthat time you all meditate intently on asingle glowing thought, which is this: All ofyou Capricorns deserve an act of uncannygrace that will help free you from one ofyour most oppressive beliefs.AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Somerare people, through heroic acts of will andthe help of a really good imagination, manageto free themselves pretty thoroughlyfrom the inertia of their past. This accomplishmentis more possible for you rightnow than it has been in a long time. In fact,you could even overcome a negative legacythat made some of your ancestors crazyand sick. For maybe just the third time ever,you’re in a position to escape the sins of thefathers and the flaws of the mothers!PISCES (Feb. 19-Mar. 20): If you build it,they will probably come. If you just pretendto build it, they may come anyway and endup sticking around because of your charmingattunement to life’s deeper rhythms. If,as you build it or pretend to build it, youact manic or send out mixed messages,they may be intrigued and attracted, butthey definitely won’t come. So my advice,Pisces, is to suppress your mood swingsas you at least start pretending to build thething in earnest.ARIES (Mar. 21-Apr. 19): I don’t thinkI’m being unduly optimistic when I speculatethat you’re on the verge of achievinga ringing victory over your bad self. Whatmakes me so confident that this developmentis in the works? Well, in recent weeksyou have been dealing more forthrightlyand intelligently with the lowest aspects ofyour character. You have also become morefully aware of the difference between yourout-and-out unregenerate qualities and theunripe aspects of your character that maysomeday become very beautiful. There’s asecond sign that you’re close to transformingone of the most negative things aboutyou: You have almost figured out the truthabout a murky curse that you internalizedsome time ago. When you finally identifyit, you will know intuitively how to banishit forever.TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20): I expectthat you’ll be a force of nature in the comingdays, the human equivalent of a divineintervention. In fact, you might want to givefair warning to friends and loved ones whoassume that you have always been and willalways be steady, placid and mild. Otherwisethey may be unduly freaked out whenyour intelligence explodes like a doublerainbow or when you start emoting like awaterfall. They might accuse you of “notbeing yourself” when your laughter turnsvolcanic or your decisions hit with the forceof the aurora borealis. It’ll be interesting foryou to notice which of your close cohortsresponds most favorably to this outbreak ofyour elemental gifts.GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Here’swhat I did not do this summer,” begins thetestimony of one of my Gemini readers,Beth Hylton. “Not once did I swing on atire swing over the river, watching the pinkshimmery reflection of myself in a wet suiton a tire swing. I did not take a day off workto sneak out alone to Jones Beach with abook and a beer in a ginger ale bottle. I didnot eat outside at a red-checkered-tableclothand-too-much-cheese-on-the-pasta Italianrestaurant, sucking back carafes of Gallolike Kool-Aid. I did not catch fireflies forthe satisfaction of setting them free, and Idid not nap in the noontime sun. Where areall the ‘I dids’?” I’m happy to inform Beth,as well as any of her fellow Geminis whomight have been remiss in doing the kindsof activities she named, that the next threeweeks will be a very favorable period tomake up for lost time.CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Here’swhat I did not do this summer,” begins thetestimony of one of my Gemini readers,Beth Hylton. “Not once did I swing on atire swing over the river, watching the pinkshimmery reflection of myself in a wet suiton a tire swing. I did not take a day off workto sneak out alone to Jones Beach with abook and a beer in a ginger ale bottle. I didnot eat outside at a red-checkered-tableclothand-too-much-cheese-on-the-pasta Italianrestaurant, sucking back carafes of Gallolike Kool-Aid. I did not catch fireflies forthe satisfaction of setting them free, and Idid not nap in the noontime sun. Where areall the ‘I dids’?” I’m happy to inform Beth,as well as any of her fellow Geminis whomight have been remiss in doing the kindsof activities she named, that the next threeweeks will be a very favorable period tomake up for lost time.LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): KFC is testmarketinga flamboyant new menu item atselected restaurants in the US. This remarkabledelicacy is an exotic sandwich thatconsists of bacon, two servings of cheese,and special sauce, all held together not bybread but by two slabs of fried chicken. Inominate this spectacular creation to beyour earthy metaphor of the week. In accordancewith the astrological omens, I hopeit inspires you to head out to the frontiers ofextravagance in both your spiritual affairsand your romantic life. The coming dayswill be an ideal time to pray to both Christand the Goddess while making love, forexample, or to get sandwiched between twodelicious devotees while meditating naked,or to perform a boisterous ritual to invokeemotional riches with the help of a geniusof love. !

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