FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The number of bacteria per square inch on a toilet seat averages about 50. Meanwhile, your telephone harbors over 25,000 germs per square inch and the top of your desk has about 21,000. I’d like you to use this as a metaphor that you can apply more universally. According to my analysis, you see, you are over-emphasizing the risks and problems in one particular area of your life and underestimating them elsewhere. Spend some time this week correcting the misdiagnoses.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):
One of my readers, Judd, shared his vision of how to cope with the blahs of January. Given your astrological omens, I’d say his strategy perfectly embodies the approach you should take right now. Please study his testimony below, and come up with your own ingenious variation. “On the coldest of days, my friends and I celebrate ‘scrufting,’ the art of enjoying the great outdoors with indoor furniture, while listening to loud indie-rock and adorned in our grungiest slop-ware. Aided by Samuel Smith’s Oatmeal Stout, we curse and laugh at the constraints of winter by playing our favorite summer sports like Frisbee, hacky-sack and soccer.”
PISCES (Feb. 19-Mar. 20):
It’s graduation time. Not in any officially recognized sense, maybe, but still: You have completed your study of a certain subject in the school of life. At a later date, maybe you will resume studying this subject on a higher level, but for now you’ve absorbed all you can. I suggest you give yourself a kind of final exam. (Be sure to grade it yourself.) You might also want to carry out a fun ritual to acknowledge the completion of this chapter of your story. It will free up your mind and heart to begin the next chapter.
ARIES (Mar. 21-Apr. 19):
The Earth’s north magnetic pole is not the same as the geographic North Pole. If you take out a compass to orient yourself toward due north, the compass arrow will actually point toward a spot in the frigid wilds of Canada. But what’s really odd is that the north magnetic pole has been on the move since 1904 — scientists don’t know exactly why — and has dramatically sped up in recent years. According to National Geographic, it’s now zooming toward
Siberia at the rate of almost 40 miles per year. I suspect that your own metaphorical version of magnetic north will also be changing in 2010, Aries. By January 2011, the homing signal you depend on to locate your place in reality may have migrated significantly. This is a good time to start tracking the shift.
TAURUS (Apr. 20-May 20):
“The common idea that success spoils people by making them vain, egotistic and self-complacent is erroneous,” wrote W. Somerset Maugham. “On the contrary, it makes them, for the most part, humble, tolerant and kind.” I think the trajectory of your journey during the last 12 months tends to confirm his theory, Taurus. According to my analysis, you set new benchmarks for your personal best in 2009, while at the same time becoming a wiser, riper human being. Congrats! Now get out there and capitalize on the grace you’ve earned. Be as organized as possible as you share the fruits of your progress.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20):
The Onion, which describes itself as “America’s Finest News Source,” ran a feature on the inventor Thomas Edison. He “changed the face of modern life in 1879,” said the report, “when he devised the groundbreaking new process of taking ideas pioneered by other scientists and marketing them as his own.” The tone was mocking, of course, but I’m perfectly sincere when I urge you to imitate Edison in the coming weeks. Given the current astrological omens, you’d be wise to take advantage of the breakthroughs of others and make good use of resources created by others. Just be sure that you give credit where credit is due, and you’ll actually be doing everyone a service.
CANCER (June 21-July 22):
A Scorpio is willing and maybe even eager to share secrets with you. Can you marshal just the right amount of selfprotection — not too much, not too little — to trust a little more and go deeper? As for Virgo: That under-self-confident person would really benefit from getting more appreciation from you. Don’t be stingy. Meanwhile, I think you’re suffering from a misunderstanding about an Aquarius. It will be in your selfish interest to clear it up. A few more tips: Don’t give up on Pisces. There’s more to come when the coast is clearer. Browse but don’t buy yet with a Leo. And make business, but not love or war, with a Capricorn.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22):
I like it best when the creek that runs near my home is wide and deep. It gets that way at high tide, when the moon shepherds in a surge of water from the bay. As I gaze out at the swollen cascade, I feel full and fertile; everything’s right with the world. Inevitably, though, the tide goes out and the flow turns meek and narrow. Then my mood is less likely to soar. A slight melancholy may creep in. But I’ve learned to love that state, too — to derive a quiet joy from surveying the muddy banks where the water once ran, the muck imprinted with tracks of egrets and ducks. Besides, I know it’s only a matter of time before the tide shifts and the cascade returns. Enjoy your own personal version of the low-tide phase, Leo. High tide will be coming back your way soon.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
If you asked me to make you a mix tape that would be conducive for making love to, I wouldn’t be in the least surprised. These long January nights are ideal times for you Virgos to be unleashing your dormant passion and sharing volcanic pleasure and exploring the frontier where delight overlaps with wonder. In the compilation of tunes I’d create for you, I’d probably have stuff like “Teardrop” by Massive Attack, “Breathe Me” by Sia, “Supermassive Black Hole” by Muse and “6 Underground” by the Sneaker Pimps. But I think it’s a better idea for you to assemble your own soundtrack. Tell me about it if you do. I’m at Truthrooster@ gmail.com.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22):
The world’s tallest waterfall is Angel Falls in Venezuela. It was named after Jimmie Angel, an American who was the first person to fly a plane over it in 1933. Recently, Venezuela’s president suggested that this place should be officially renamed Kerepakupai Meru, which is what the indigenous Pemon Indians have always called it. The coming weeks happen to be a favorable time for you to consider making a comparable move, Libra: restoring a natural wonder to its original innocence; rehabilitating the truth about a beautiful resource; returning an old glory to its pristine state.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
In the first half of 2010, your calling will be calling to you more loudly and insistently than it has in years. It will whisper to you seductively while you’re falling asleep. It will clang like a salvation bell during your mid-morning breaks. It will soothe you with its serpentine tones and it will agitate you with its rippling commands to spring into action. How will you respond to these summonses from your supreme inner authority? This week will be a good test.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):
“You can have it all,” says fashion designer Luella Bartley. “It’s just really hard work.” That’s my oracle for you, Sagittarius — not just for this week, but for the next three months as well. According to my reading of the astrological omens, the cosmos will indeed permit you to have your cake and eat it, too, as long as you’re willing to manage your life with more discipline, master the crucial little details everyone else neglects, and always give back at least as much as you’re given.