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FRESHMAN GUIDE COLORING BOOK

by Whitney Kenerly

ILLUSTRATIONS BY MELISSA RODRIGUEZ AND AUSTIN KINDLEY

The end of summer vacation means the return of college students to more then 20 colleges and universities around the Triad. Right now, students are carrying pieces of cheap bookshelves and beanbags up to their dorm rooms or apartments. There will also be thousands of new faces around town as incoming freshmen settle into their collegiate lives away from the nest.

Freshman year is hard: you get lost on your way to class, you have to deal with roommates and the worst shared showers, and everyone keeps warning you that you’re about to gain at least 15 pounds.

Each university student takes a different approach to his or her first year of college. Some kids are so happy to have a taste of freedom that they immediately run to the closest keg party and keep chugging until midterms. Other students stick to their rooms where they have created a dark cave atmosphere around the video game console that they never leave. Then there are the adult students who have gone back to school and are trying to appear ten years younger in order to blend it.

There are some telltale signs that allow you to spot a freshman though, and we’ve created a coloring book to act as a field guide for identifying them. Perhaps you’ve seen some of these people? If you happen upon one of these individuals in their natural habitat then you should approach with caution, use these outlines to color in the details, and refer to our descriptions to better understand the particular species you are dealing with.

On the following pages let’s welcome to the Triad the five types of freshmen you can expect to meet in college!

pro bro

He may be new to campus, but he’s still going to strut around as if he owns the place. He’s already mastered the “too cool to care,” stance and rolls deep with a clique of identical bro copycats.

He will either be a part of a sports team or in a fraternity, but these organizations will be his world, and he will idolize the seniors above him. He uses these aspects of his identity to make up for the fact that he doesn’t really have much personality.

Even though he has a reputation for being a jerk, girls still flock to him. Even the girls don’t know why. After college he may evolve into a complex and compassionate man, but he will forever consider these undergraduate years to be his glory days.

Identifying features: loose polo shirt and khaki shorts, sunglasses and an apathetic expression.

Natural habitat: Limited to the business school, dive bars and “the house.”

School spirit Sally

All summer she’s been stocking up on official school gear and tweeting about how she CAN’T WAIT for school to start. #Class of 2018 #InsertMascotHerePride!!!

This school was her first choice, and she’s planning to attend every orientation event, football game, and club interest meeting that happens. She will be extremely visible on social media, and around campus.

As obnoxious as she may be to older students, this girl is a crucial networking connection for peers. She knows everything that’s going on, and will probably be student body president one day.

Identifying features: Everything she wears is marked with the school’s name.

Natural habitat: Student union

The hypercompetitive over achiever

Just because she has gotten into college doesn’t mean that this ambitious girl can rest on her laurels now. You don’t get into an ivy league graduate school unless you have a perfect undergraduate GPA, and you don’t get a perfect GPA unless you ace your freshman year, and you won’t be able to be top of your freshman class unless you get every question right on tomorrow’s chemistry test! For her, every assignment is a make or break moment.

She works hard, but she also isn’t above grade grubbing. If you start to shine in a class, beware – she will sniff you out and constantly ask, “What’d you get?” every time grades are posted.

By junior year, there is a 50 percent chance that she will have a nervous breakdown and morph into either the illustrious “Manic Party Animal” caricature or the “Enlightened Stoner” (see next page).

Identifying features: Overstuffed backpack and an obsessive stare.

Natural habitat: Professor’s office before and after every class.

Holding on to high school

This girl was the shit in high school, and she’s not about to let anyone forget it. Her dorm will be covered in pictures of “her girls.” This may seem pointless due to the fact that she’s also already living with them in college. In fact, she only hangs out with people she knew in high school.

She keeps her circle tight so that she can speak entirely in codes of inside jokes, “remember that time when we did that craaaazy thing, like, three months ago? OMG that was the best!” She is always on the phone with her high school boyfriend. He went to a different school but they are still going to make it work because their love is just “meant to be,” at least until fall break.

Identifying features: She has perfected the “trying but not trying” look of a casual tank top with a full face of make-up and shiny straightened hair. Natural habitat: Crammed up by the stairwell window of her dorm, trying to get cell phone reception.

enlightened stoner

He’s three weeks into his Philosophy 101 course, and he’s already got it all figured out. “You’re all just ants, man, living in the matrix of the corporations and their corporate greed.”

He sits on the front row of class so that he can lean back and stretch out his legs. For a skinny dude he can sure take up a lot of space.

He carries a copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being with him at all times, and makes intense eye contact during conversations.

While he seems to be living on his own planet, there is something pure about him. A part of you thinks that he really may be the only one who gets it, and it breaks your heart to imagine the day he might be forced to put on a suit and blend into a cubicle like the rest of us.

Identifying features: Sandals even in winter.

Natural habitat: wherever his hacky sack/Frisbee/sun salutations lead him.

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