Forsyth County government secretly infiltrated by foreign agents

 April Fool’s Story

Winston-Salem/Forsyth County Schools has launched an investigation into whether a highly secretive United Nations black ops team is implanting computer chips in the brains of school children to make them more susceptible to collectivist thinking.

Beverly Emory, the newly appointed superintendant, questioned whether the investigation was a wise use of district funds at her first regular meeting on Tuesday, but soon agreed to the wisdom of the plan when school board member Buddy Collins demonstrated that he had a majority vote to call for an inquiry whether Emory had subscribed to anti-American beliefs as a superintendent in Oberlin, Ohio.

For months the school board has resisted calls by members of the community for an investigation, but even moderates such as board member Jane Goins relented when an journalistic exposé by the online publication Camel City Dispatch disclosed that Richard Linville, the Republican chairman of the Forsyth County Commission, is an android developed by Chinese scientists in the 1970s and that he was deployed by agents of Chairman Mao from a remote location near Belews Creek to infiltrate county government.

“We always thought the reason Richard was out on his tractor for hours at a time was so he could think things over and make the best decision for the citizens of Forsyth County,” said “Honest” Dave Plyler, a fellow Republican on the board, “but none of us would have ever guessed that he was actually receiving instructions from Beijing via satellite signal.”

Vigilant parents were first alerted to the potential dangers of foreign mind control when the county commission began considering the 2025 comprehensive plan to guide land-use and development decisions.

“I don’t think this is as big a deal as many people want to make it,” school board member Jill A. Tackebery said. “We basically want to examine some of the teaching that’s going on in our schools to see if it promotes planned communities.”

Tackabery said she had not been able to attend the last briefing in which Assistant Superintendent of Instructional Services Kenneth Simington answered questions about student indoctrination because the magnetic strip on her security card had worn out and she was not able to activate the gate at the Yorkleigh Acres subdivision off Peace Haven Road. Her homeowners association is currently petitioning the city of Winston-Salem for a blanket exemption to curbside garbage pickup.

If computer chips are being planted in children’s brains by a force intent on undermining national sovereignty, school board members worry that un-American ideas such as sustainability, restorative justice, diversity and new-ageism could take hold in the community.

“Tolerance of different religions as a theory in a class at Wake Forest is all well and good,” Collins said, “but I doubt you want your children to start listening to Enya, hanging around yoga studios on Trade Street and buying patchouli oil.”

Ronald Llewellyn, an actuary at Baptist Hospital who plans to run for school board in District 2 next year, said during the briefing that anti-American ideas and Buddhist meditation practices are disturbing enough, but the real threat posed by the implanted computer chips is sustainability thinking. The idea that resources are limited and should be conserved undermines the basic tenets of capitalism that form the basis of our American freedoms, he said. Namely that when there’s a demand for something the free market supplies the solution. He worried that school children that engage in sustainability thinking will soon subscribe to the fallacy that climate change is real. From there it will be a short step to jack-booted UN thugs ordering seniors who have served in foreign wars to ride on bike superhighways and live in smelly, anarchist collective houses.

“There’s a real fear that light rail and community gardens are in our future,” Ronnie Goodall of Kernersville said. “I, for one, did not vote to surrender my liberty to the central soviet in Brussels.”