GOP stands for George’s Overcrowded Prison
We interrupt our regularly scheduled Bush bash to bring you this important public service announcement:
Last week Guilford County Republican Party Chairman Marcus Kindley launched into his bi-weekly radio segment on the ‘“Dusty Dunn Show’” with a diatribe against NC House Speaker Jimmy Black’s various and sundry shady dealings. Listening to my friend Marcus from my office in the adjoining room, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony. I mean, the GOP taking on a Democrat on the issue of corruption is like the Cowardly Lion taking on the Scarecrow and Tin Man: ‘“Put ’em up, put ’em up. Which one of you first? I can fight you with one paw tied behind my back ‘… Ruff!’”
Whoa there, big fella. Methinks your ‘I’ll moider de bum’ machismo is a cover for the fact that your party’s overmatched on this issue and you know it. Your glass house is about to shatter. Your party may be King of the Forest just now, but come the mid-term elections when you lose control of the US House, and possibly the Senate as well, you may not even be a prince, not a duke, not an earl.
And speaking of duke, as in ex-Rep. Randy ‘Duke’ Cunningham of California, why don’t we start there? (We’ll just hit the highlights here, as the full roster of disgraced, indicted, arrested, probed and otherwise crooked Republicans would bump both DG Martin and that neo-Nazi hottie off the page. As of today there are 168 proud Republicans who fit that description, but the total will likely be higher by the time you read this. Go to waynemadsenreport.com for the running tally.) Duke took over $2 million in bribes, resigned his House seat, pleaded guilty to tax evasion and conspiracy and is now serving not in the US House but ‘… the Big House.
Rep. Tom DeLay of Texas, ex-House Majority Leader, has so far been indicted on one count of criminal conspiracy and two of money laundering. Once the cons in the joint see that cherubic smile, ‘The Hammer’ may become ‘Baby Face.’ Hey Hammer, just tell them, ‘“Can’t touch this.’” That should work.
Super lobbyist and GOP fundraiser Jack Abramoff got six years last week for wire fraud and conspiracy, but that case had nothing to do with all the congressmen he paid off. Heads have only begun to roll. Jack cut a deal and is singing to prosecutors like Charlie and Inez Foxx.
Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby, VP Cheney’s ex-chief of staff, was indicted on five counts of obstruction of justice, making false statements and perjury. Scooter, so far, is the only White House staffer indicted for leaking the name of a covert CIA agent for political revenge, but special prosecutor Fitzgerald is still on the case. Herr Rove ist nicht off the hook yet.
David Safavian, ex-bigwig at the Office of Management and Budget, was arrested by the FBI for making false statements after getting swept up in the Abramoff web. Some say if he cuts a deal, higher-ups may be culpable.
Claude Allen, assistant to the president for domestic policy, resigned after being arrested for a shoplifting scheme at Target and Hecht’s. Official White House version was the old ‘“to spend more time with his family’” song and dance. Yeah, his family at the Big House.
Ohio Gov. Bob Taft was convicted of four first-degree misdemeanors for misuse of state funds and ethics violations and is still under investigation by two federal and one state grand jury. And he refuses to resign!Thomas Noe, a Bush-Cheney ’04 campaign chair, was also indicted and arrested for misuse of state funds. Why didn’t he just say Noe?
Spokane, Wash., mayor Jim West is one you may have missed, but the city didn’t, and recalled him by a 2-1 margin. Seems the ex-mayor is under state and federal investigation for abusing his office to obtain sexual favors and soliciting sex on the internet from underage males. Got caught with your pants down, eh Mayor?
Remember Florida Rep. Katherine Harris, the then-state attorney general who helped give the 2000 election to The Duh? She’s now running for US Senate, even as she is being probed for some shady campaign contributions tied to Duke Cunningham. Now if she goes to the Big House that’ll give a whole new meaning to the word ‘probed,’ huh?
So many scandals, so little time. We haven’t even gotten to Connecticut governor John Rowland, DeLay chief of staff Michael Scanlon, Reps. Bob Ney, Don Sherwood or Bill Janklow. Another day, perhaps.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled Bush bash.
I just got my copy of ‘“Articles Of Impeachment Against George W. Bush’” hot off the press. It was written and compiled by the Center for Constitutional Rights and published by Melville House Publishing. It gives the House Judiciary Committee a blueprint, in scholarly and legalistic format, to carry out its constitutional duty, which should happen soon after November.
Hold on, America.
Ogi can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org, heard each Tuesday at 9:30 a.m. on ‘“The Dusty Dunn Show’” on WGOS 1070 AM, and seen on ‘“Triad Today’” Friday at 6:30 a.m. on ABC45 and Sunday at 10 p.m. on UPN48.