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Greensboro’s Ten Best downtown bathrooms…

by Brian Clarey

Hemingway’s Downtown

213 S. Elm St.; 336.275.6367

A bar like Hemingway’s pays attention to the details, which means that the bathrooms are among the finest in the city. Clean mirrors, polished surfaces and an oft-replenished supply of paper products are among the amenities they provide, as well as a small store of grooming products ‘— at least in the men’s room.

Fincastle’s

215 S. Elm St., 336.272.8968

You gotta love Fincastle’s, especially if you like your burger slathered in homemade pimiento cheese (man, that’s good). But downtown’s premier diner also has a finely appointed men’s room in the back, with exposed brick, a nice mirror and a not-so-subtle reminder to scrape the muck off your hands before you dive into a basket of fried pickles.

Much Restaurant & Bar

113 S. Elm St.; 336.370.1311

You can say what you want about Joey Medaloni, but the guy knows his business. That means that the bathrooms at his Moroccan-themed, carnivalesque restaurant fit right in with the rest of the décor ‘— faux marble, classic fixtures, deep brown colors. The only improvement we could suggest is maybe a waterfall-style urinal, something downtown Greensboro is sorely lacking.

Greensboro Public Library

219 N. Church St.; 336.373.2471

Fifty homeless guys can’t be wrong. The bathrooms at the Greensboro Public Library’s downtown branch are not just the equivalent of a day spa for the city’s dispossessed population, but also a convenient stop for anyone looking for a clean, well-lit place to do their business. And they’ve got all the magazines and newspapers you could ever want.

Rhinoceros Club

315 S. Greene St.; 336.272.9305

If you want to kick it old-school, queue up for a seat in the head at one of the area’s longest-running institutions. Decked out in checkerboard (not unlike the guitarist from Cheap Trick) and with the same kind of feel as a barbershop, the bathrooms at the Rhino give the users a dose of familiarity. Named best bathroom in Greensboro by Jeri Rowe’s dad some time during the ’90s.

Downtown Marriott

304 N. Greene St.; 336.379.8000

Seasoned urbanites know that when you’ve got the urge to purge, your best bet is a hotel. And because the Biltmore does not have a first-floor public restroom, the Marriott gets the nod. Here’s what I can tell you about their lounge off the lobby: it’s clean; it’s private; and it’s right down the hall from the cutest, quietest bar in town. Warning: it’s kind of off the beaten path, so you may have to run there if it’s an emergency.

Fisher’s Grill

608 N. Elm St.; 336.275.8300

Okay, so it’s not really a nice bathroom, but it’s got style’… most notably the tribute to the Detroit Free Press’s sports-page coverage of the 1984 World Series that’s framed on the walls, complete with a posed photo of Kirk Gibson of the Tigers and Steve Garvey of the San Diego Padres, a shot that captures a moment with one of the biggest heroes in basketball and one of its most notorious pricks.

The Greensboro Children’s Museum

220 N. Church St.; 336.574.3992

Another one that’s not exactly resplendent, and because of the rampant existence of kid germs in there it’s not the cleanest in town, but the bathroom at the Children’s Museum has one important distinction: there’s a diaper-changing station in there and, to my knowledge, it’s the only one in the downtown area with this amenity.

Liberty Oak

100 W. Washington St.; 336.273.7057

Liberty Oak gets the nod over some of the other downtown restaurants with similarly appointed restrooms simply because my friend Jeff tends bar there and he’d probably let me use it whether I bought a drink or not. Probably. It’s clean and nice, with some decent prints on the walls, and you don’t need to use your hands to flush the toilet.

Greene Street Bar (2nd floor men’s room)

113 N. Greene St.; 336.273.4111

It’s bigger than the one downstairs and a lot of people don’t know about it so there’s rarely a long wait, even when the club is packed full of PBR drinkers with the jimmy-leg. But this terminal makes the list because I have a personal history with the space, though I don’t like to talk about it much. Suffice it to say that I get chills every time I go in there.

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