Greensboro’s Ten Best eBay items…

by Brian Clarey

Item #7341738041:

parlor bagpipes

Want your kid to join the band but you think the clarinet’s not quite geeky enough? Then get him these parlor-sized bagpipes and watch him flee in terror from the bus stop bullies. ‘“Attempted but never played,’” says the headline, and jacksdad3 is offering $19.

Item #7705919612:

Pine Needles Women’s College of the University of North Carolina yearbook, 1954

UNCG was strictly for the ladies back in the days of bomb shelters and crappy television, and this volume provides a glimpse of how the mothers of future baby boomers spent their college years. An excerpted photo shows three of the young lovelies in opera gloves and prom dresses with the poofiest skirts I have ever seen. You can tell by the innocence in their eyes that they had not yet heard of Elvis.

Item #8325639306:

1863 Greensboro Mutual 50-cent note

This thing is old. Mississippi riverboat old. Civil War old (in fact, Lincoln was president in 1863). Had you been alive and bought that piece of paper for 50 cents, and then survived through the next 140 or so winters, you’d be able to flip it for about twenty bucks. Of course in 1863 you could buy a pair of overalls for 50 cents. Today your 20 bucks might enable you to put a pair of designer jeans on layaway.

Item #4393817735:

2.3 acres of land

You know what they say: God’s not making any more of it. And haven’t you always wanted to build a condo subdivision and name the streets after yourself? The asking price is a bit steep ‘— $1.2 million, to be exact ‘— but becoming a land baron doesn’t come cheap.

Item #5229371856:

Jim Melvin bobblehead doll

Look into your soul deeply and honestly and tell me you don’t want one of these things on your nightstand or taped to the dashboard of your car. These babies are limited editions, issued just the one time at First Horizon Park to the delight of baseball and politics junkies all over town. We did hear, though, that they made some of the children cry.

Item #4564772851:

1969 Buick Wildcat convertible

You should never buy a car for under 500 bucks, unless it’s this long and angular beauty from the time when muscle cars looked like they could actually kick some ass. Be warned that this ride is in dire need of some pimping ‘— according to the seller, doje2830, the interior is here in town and the body lies somewhere in Rhode Island. There is also no motor and no title, but the owner does have the original bill of sale.

Item #5604438274:

Credit directory, 1902

Find out who the players were way back in the day. The RG Dun Mercantile Reference Book for the city of Greensboro in the year 1902 contains scads of once-confidential information on the financial condition of companies owned and patronized by people who are now all dead.

Item #6552503180:

The Camp at Lake Herman postcard,

circa 1940

Time passes slowly on the lake, so this vintage view is similar to something you might see today on this little spot in Browns Summit. Canoe technology has come a long way, however, since the FDR administration. The bidding was up to $9 with five days left in the auction, which makes it a much better investment than, say, a note from Greensboro Mutual.

Item # 5227236174:

1993 Derek Jeter pre-rookie card

The gold-foil embossed collectible shows the future Yankee (and dance floor) sensation as a skinny rookie in a Hornets uniform. You can see an ad for the Carolina Circle Mall behind him on the outfield wall of the old ballpark. It’s not as cool as it sounds ‘— it looks like one of those re-issue cards put together hastily after the shortstop had won his third or fourth World Series ring ‘— but, hey, the seller’s only looking for five bucks.

Item #7175070149:

1972 Greater Greensboro Open commemorative whiskey bottle

This thing is ugly as sin ‘— a green ceramic flask painted green and gold ‘— and we don’t believe it comes filled with whiskey. But it can be had for a song, and it’s the perfect gift for that someone in your life whose loves include whiskey, golf and the ’70s.