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Greensboro’s ten best sport events (after baseball season is over)…

by Brian Clarey

High School Football

With the end of baseball season here in Greensboro, many sports fans are looking for new ways to satisfy their jones. Have no fear. Friday nights under the lights generate lots of excitement in this town. Crosstown rivalries like Page vs. Grimsley put enough fans in the stands to raise a true ruckus. Get out and catch a game, but be careful where you tailgate.

Skateboarding

Few things satisfy an old fart in his thirties like watching a teenage kid take a major spill on his skateboard and bounce right back up, pretending it didn’t hurt. We also like it when they stick the landing. A good place to catch the action is the 915 Skate Park (1616 W. Lee St.; 336.856.9112) where they’ve got half- and quarter-pipes, a bowl and a street course laid out in the warehouse. Bring quarters for the snack machines.

Traffic dodging on High Point Road

(Warning: dated reference in the first sentence) It’s like watching a real-life game of Frogger in the afternoons on certain sections of High Point Road, where there are numerous bus stops and very few crosswalks. A hot spot is by the coliseum, when people parked at Stamey’s scuttle across Lee to attend events.

Backyard wrestling

We’d be awfully surprised if there was no one in town stupid enough to have one of those backyard wrestling pits set up. You know what we’re talking about: overweight, confused and angst-ridden teenagers who imitate their favorites from the WWE in mud-slung yards and carports throughout the South and Midwest, leaping off roofs and easements with their elbows extended and tongues hanging out, continuing until they fill the back of a pickup truck for a run to the emergency room. They sell the videotapes on late-night television, but if you look hard enough you can probably catch it live within 50 miles of your home.

Elections

The days and weeks leading up to the second Tuesday in November provide the greatest American spectacle of them all, even when the contests are strictly on a local level like this year in Greensboro. Hunter S Thompson called election day ‘“a wild and terrifying time for politics junkies’…. We look forward to [them] like sex addicts look forward to orgies. We are slaves to it’”

Bass fishing

In the fall, when the air starts to turn but before the leaves drop from the trees, the bass start to fatten up for the long winter ahead. Their instinct compels them to forage and eat, forage and eat during this breathtaking season, and they’ll generally follow the shad as they run up the creeks. Most experienced anglers feel comfortable using the big lures in the fall. They also feel comfortable downing six or eight beers in the boat.

Golf

In the South, fall is prime golf season because the edge comes off the heat, and the rustle of the leaves as they crispen can be a calming distraction when you’re trying not to shank one into the woods. Also, the Chrysler Classic of Greensboro, a PGA Tour event, takes place in the fall (at Forest Oaks Country Club; 4600 Forest Oaks Dr.; 336.674.0126; Sept. 26-Oct. 2). This year’s tourney features heavyweight John Daly and Spanish superstar Sergio Garcia.

Bikini contests

They’re popping up everywhere, with enough frequency to suggest that even the stodgiest sectors of Greensboro are beginning to see the allure of parades of young women who are about 95 percent naked. But hey, we’ve known it all along.

Eating contest at Golden Corral

Every night at around five o’clock you can witness, or even partake in, the ritualized practice of gluttony or, as some call it, ‘“trying to get my nine bucks’ worth’” at either of the city’s two Golden Corral restaurants (4404 Landview Dr.; 336.294.8443 or 2419 Lawndale Dr.; 336.545.5808). I personally like to take five laps through the variegated buffet line: one for salad, three for hot entrees and a final trip for a plate heaped with dessert items. Then I take a nap.

Gambling

Uh’… we mean gaming, especially in the form of the newly sanctioned lottery (look for scratch-offs coming your way soon) and Bingo, which is definitely not gambling because, as I’ve said many a time, God is cool with Bingo. We by no means endorse illegal gambling of any kind, especially round table versions of Texas Hold ‘Em, Omaha or Follow the Bitch, which are apparently against the law even if they are not played for actual money.

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