It’s an honor just to be nominated. Really.
So wait a minute. We’re all Time magazine’s Person of the Year?
We don’t get it.
All of us? Or just those of us who believe in the Wikipedia, salivate over MySpace and download the “Dick in a Box” video off YouTube?
We will concede that the internet, as it matures, is becoming a truly intriguing realm. Influential, too, both politically and commercially.
But come on. This is Time magazine. These guys are supposed to be major. They couldn’t do better than this?
What about Kim Jong Il, the Korean supreme commander who recently picked up a fleet of new atomic playthings, or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who makes Mel Gibson look like Meyer Levin.
Hell, Brittany Spears had a more remarkable year than everybody in Second Life put together.
No, we would have gone in a much different direction.
And because we, like Time, are also in the weekly magazine business, there’s nothing stopping us from choosing a Person of the Year as well.
But what makes a Person of the Year? Time’s criteria is somewhat vague: the person who “for better or worse, has most influenced events in the preceding year.” Adolf Hitler won it back in ’38; Pope John Paul II edged out OJ Simpson in ’94. The planet Earth took the title in ’88, we don’t remember why; and the computer got its due way back in ’82. American presidents usually get a gimme at some point during their term
We thought about nominating the little square dance squad of Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld and Rove – the “Dream Team” of the “CEO Administration.” This year alone they lost the religious right, who collectively wised up after falling for the abortion bait and switch one too many times. They lost the traditional conservative members of their party who, after years of apologies, finally realized that the basic tenets of their philosophy, – privacy, individual rights, fiscal prudence, small government – were actually under attack from policies these guys put together. And as a result their party lost dominance over the House and Senate.
But then we thought we might go local. Chris Daughtry rose to prominence during 2006, but he’s not exactly the kind of guy we’re looking for. Joey Cheek had a pretty good year, but that kid doesn’t need our help. Alma Adams? BJ Barnes?
Or we could go with ex-Police Chief David Wray, who out-Googled everyone in Greensboro this year.
But instead we realized that nothing would have happened in this town at all this year if it weren’t for the people who populate it. So we buckled and named every citizen of Greensboro as YES! Weekly’s Person of the Year. Thanks, Time, for giving us the idea.
Feel free, everyone, to mention it on your resume.