McCain ‘Ich Bin Ein GÃ¼berhead’ Tour Continues
There is something very peculiar about this presidential campaign. I’m not talking about the sinister attacks grounded in racism, fear and ignorance from the knuckle-dragging right that we’ve come to expect, but something more subtle, almost to the point of being imperceptible. It seems so implausible that I’m afraid many of us longing to return to the America that we loved before the Bush cabal took it over may be seduced by it. I must admit, I’ve flirted with the notion myself, but my God-given cynicism always jolts me back to reality.
My theory is simply this: John Magoo, er, McCain is trying to lose.
I know, I know, why would you spend eight years of your life and hundreds of millions of other people’s dollars and several million of your wife’s in an effort doomed to failure? How could you intentionally go out on the campaign trail and make one colossal blunder, one ill-advised slur against your opponent, one buffoonerish misstatement of fact after another and still expect to win?
The answer is this: Sheer desperation. He knows he has no prayer on the issues, that the mood of the country is trending leftward, that the pendulum is swinging toward change and he represents the status quo, that the stars are aligned against him, so this is his tactic of last resort. Plus, he has the Bushbatross hanging around his neck, the stench of Duhness following him wherever he goes, and the only way he can shake it is to appeal to the sympathy vote and hope the majority of us are overcome with complacency and pull a Rip Van Winkle until the second week of November.
After last week’s stunning juxtaposition of two campaigns headed in opposite directions — Obama’s toward Pennsylvania Avenue and McCain’s off a cliff — it was impossible for the thought not to cross one’s mind that this sucker is all over but the hollerin’. Here we had a Kennedyesque Obama in Berlin getting swooned over by an adoring throng of 200,000 souls while poor old McCain sat in some weenie joint in Columbus, Ohio chatting it up with, oh, 190,990 fewer people than Barack had engaged that day. And speaking of weenies, what purpose does Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) serve by being his obsequious little lapdog at these photo ops? As he was standing there trying to get a piece of sauerkraut from between his teeth as McCain delivered another lame rebuke of his opponent, I swear, I flashed on the Laurel and Hardy line, “This is another fine mess you’ve gotten us in, Stanley.” You could almost see the wheels turning as Graham wondered whose idea it was to cast them in the most unfavorable comparative light possible. And as if to prove they’re clueless, the RNC came up with a plan to run anti-Obama ads in all the US towns named Berlin. Honestly, is this the best they’ve got?
Meanwhile, all the usual suspects (Limbaugh, Hannity, O’Reilly and that bleached-blond bimbo, minor-league Coultergeist with a less-pronounced Adam’s apple whose name escapes me) were chiming in on cue, castigating Obama for taking his victory lap before the checkered flag had flown. Why, the guy’s acting like he’s already won, they wailed hysterically, as if there is something treasonous about building bridges and using diplomacy, that it’s somehow preferable to be despised by the rest of the planet.
(In poetic contrast, that very same day, Condi Rice was in Iceland and a group of Auckland University students offered 5,000 New Zealand dollars (about 3,700 US dollars) for a citizen’s arrest of the United States Secretary of State as a war criminal. You could not make this stuff up.)
The most nauseating of the lot was OxyContin Limbaugh (the druggie whose real name is Rush. Again, you could not make this stuff up.) He spent his whole show picking apart Obama’s speech, dwelling on the line, “I know my country has not perfected itself. At times we struggle to keep the promise of liberty and equality for all of our people. We’ve made our share of mistakes, and there are times when our actions around the world have not lived up to our best intentions.”
From there, OC launched into a tirade reminiscent of Otter’s faux defense before the Faber College student judiciary of the Delta House toga party: “Well, I for one am not going to sit here and allow him to bad-mouth the United States of America.” Except Otter’s argument was more convincing.
BTW, Obama’s next line was, “I also know how much I love America. I know that for more than two centuries we have striven at great cost and great sacrifice to form a more perfect union, to seek with other nations a more perfect world.”
Meanwhile, back at the mall, McCain was sucking on a chili dog.
Hey, maybe this sucker is over.
Ogi may be reached at email@example.com and seen on “Triad Today” hosted by Jim Longworth on ABC 45 at 6:30 a.m. Fridays and on WMYV 48 at 10 p.m. Sundays.