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NEWS OF THE weird

by Chuck Shepherd

NEWS OF THE weird

•Saudi Arabia is host to several camel beauty pageants each year (condemned as religiously fatuous by Muslim clerics), but the country’s irst goat beauty pageant was held in September in Riyadh, with the distinctive Najdi breed, featuring high nose bridges and silky, shaggy hair, taking top prizes. In fact, most of the goats in the competition had the same father, Burgan, whose progeny typically fetch the equivalent of $25,000 and up. Still, prize-winning show camels can bring 10 times that amount for the greater status they convey to their owners. Burgan himself did not appear at the pageant, according to a Reuters dispatch, because his owner feared that a jealous competitor would have an “evil eye” cast upon him.

Cultural diversity

• The rental society: Among the services available by the clock in Japan (according to a January BBC dispatch) are (1) quality time with a pet (about $10 an hour at the Ja La La Cafe in Toyko, usually with dogs or cats but with rabbits, ferrets and beetles available); (2) no-sex quality time with a college coed (lattering conversation by the hour at the Campus Caf’, less expensive than the geisha-type houses); (3) and actors from the I Want To Cheer Up agency in Tokyo, to portray “relatives” for weddings and funerals when actual family members cannot attend, or to portray fathers to help single women with their parenting duties, or to portray husbands to help women practice for the routine of married life (except for sex).

• In January, a federal judge dismissed the last lawsuit standing in the way of a new Indian casino for California’s Amador County, where the federally recognized Me-Wuk tribe of the Buena Vista Rancheria has its 67-acre reservation. The tribe consists of Rhonda Morning star Pope and her five children, none of whom lives on the tribal land.

• Parental responsibility: (1) A father took his 20-year-old son to an Islamic court in Bauchi, Nigeria in October, demanding that he be jailed for idleness, which he said has shamed the family. (The court immediately sentenced the son to 30 lashes and six months in prison.) (2) In December, a court in Seoul, South Korea ined the parents of a teenage rapist the equivalent of about $60,000 for their negligence in raising the boy badly. (The 18-year-old himself is serving a 10-year sentence for the crime.)

• Twenty million Chinese have their residences in caves, but that is often not a bad deal, according to a December McClatchy Newspapers dispatch from Miaogou Village. In addition to the obvious advantages (e.g., no mortgage), some caves have been in the family for generations and have electrical wiring, plumbing and cable television, and some are part of communities of connected caves. Researchers said that earthen insulation keeps the inside temperature from dropping below about 55 degrees Fahrenheit even in the dead of winter.

Questionable judgments

• Political correctness update: (1) In November, the student association at Carleton University in Ottawa, Ontario voted to eliminate a cystic ibrosis organization from the list of charities it supports, explaining that since the condition almost exclusively aflicts white people, it was not “inclusive” enough to merit student funding. (2) In December, Britain’s Oxford University Press announced the latest changes in its highly selective Junior Dictionary, inding room to add dozens of words, including trapezium, alliteration and incisor but eliminating, for example, bishop, chapel, christen, minister, monk, nun, parish, psalm and saint. The publisher said the changes relect Britain’s “multicultural, multifaith” society.

• Family knows best: (1) Evelyn Poynter, 86, had refused for months to leave her apartment in Pittsburgh and move in with her sister, Laura Stewart, 72, who had offered to take care of her. In December, according to police, a fed-up Stewart forcibly wrapped Poynter’s arms, legs, neck and body in duct tape, tossed her in the back seat, and drove her home to Shaker Heights, Ohio. “There was nothing sinister,” said Stewart’s daughter, but still, Stewart was arrested. (2) In October, police in Elgin, Ill. said they were investigating an accusation that after a 13-year-old boy and girl broke off their relationship, the girl’s mother ordered the boy to reconcile with her daughter by threatening to release nude photos of him that her daughter had taken.

Creme de la weird

Among the medical oddities mentioned in a December Wall Street Journal roundup was “Jumping Frenchmen of Maine Disorder,” in which a person, when startled, would “jump, twitch, lail their limbs and obey commands given suddenly, even if it means hurting themselves or a loved one.” It was irst observed in 1878 among lumberjacks in Maine but has been reported also among factory workers in Malaysia and Siberia. It is believed to result from a genetic mutation that blocks the calming of the central nervous system (but could be merely psychological, from the stress of working in close quarters).

Least competent criminals

Not ready for prime time: (1) In January, police in Cape Coral, Fla. were seeking LaKeitha Watson-Atkinson for shoplifting from a TJ Maxx. The thief escaped after running from store security, but not before she was knocked down twice by her getaway car. In the commotion, a check made out to Watson-Atkinson fell to the ground. (2) Luke Radick, 21, was charged with attempted robbery of the National Bank of Palmerton in Sciota, Pa. in January. Bank employees refused to buzz Radick in for the simple reason that he stood at the door, covering his face and holding a shotgun.

Recurring themes

An exceptionally cold winter brings more instances of the annual tragedy of by Chuck Shepherd young boys (rarely, girls) who could not resist the age-old physics experiment to see what would happen if, in sub-zero temperatures, they tried to lick a metal pole. In fact, it happened on successive days: a 10-year-old in Hammond, Ind. on Jan. 14 and a 6-year-old in Omaha, Neb. on the 15th . Both episodes ended badly with traces of the boys’ tongues left on the poles.

Grudges

(1) Marie-Eve Dean, 23, was ordered into intensive therapy in December by a judge in Ottawa, Ontario after her conviction for mischief in making more than 10,000 crank phone calls to the city’s 911 line, apparently just to protest the legal system’s treatment of her former brother-in-law in a child-custody case. (2) A South Korean man identiied only as Kim, wanted in Seoul for murder, had a more enduring grudge. Police charged the 37-year-old man with the November slaying of his high school music teacher after stewing for 21 years over the teacher’s 1987 accusation that Kim cheated in class.

A News of the Weird classic

Courtney Mann, the head of the Philadelphia chapter of the whitesupremacist National Association for the Advancement of White People, and who is a single mother who works as a tax preparer, was rebuffed in an attempt to join a Ku Klux Klan-sponsored march in Pittsburgh in April, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. Though she has been in the NAAWP for at least four years, the Pennsylvania KKK Grand Dragon turned her down for the Klan march because Mann is black. “She wanted me to send transportation [to bring her to the rally],” said the Grand Dragon. “She wanted to stay at my house [during rally weekend]. She’s all confused, man. I don’t think she knows she’s black.”

Copyright 2009 Chuck Shepherd Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate

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