Ten best ways not to get a date

by Eric Ginsburg

randomly compiled by Eric Ginsburg

‘Tell me you miss me’

After knowing my friend for less than two weeks and only having gone out once together, my old band mate showed up at her house uninvited to “surprise” her. She was indeed surprised, but not as much as when he told her on the phone that he missed her. When she didn’t respond, he coaxed her: “Tell me you miss me.”

Special delivery

After recently signing for a UPS package and briefly talking to the delivery guy, my friend was creeped out when he texted her later and asked her out. It wasn’t his looks or the fact that she is in a relationship, though these were barriers too, but particularly the fact that she hadn’t given him her number and he had somehow retrieved it from the delivery.

Over protective

One friend was recently turned off when her date was confrontational with a waiter whom he apparently perceived to be a threat, and another broke down in tears when her boyfriend stormed out of a bar because she accidentally brushed up against another man.

Happy birthday!

It’s the morning of your birthday and you got lucky last night. You wake up next to the person who spent the night, and all of the sudden you realize you were so drunk you wet the bed. To make matters worse, your girlfriend walks into the room with a surprise birthday cake she made you. What a sight to see, and it actually happened to a friend of a friend.

Wanna Skype?

My friend managed to meet someone while shopping for a pair of shoes, and running into him on the street shortly after exchanged numbers. After making plans together and bailing on them with no explanation, he messaged her weeks later and asked if she wanted to get undressed while on Skype with him. Bold.

Being sloppy drunk

Maybe this has worked for some of you, but more than likely being a mess will fail. I know someone who accidentally ran into someone at a bar after a first date, and while drunkenly falling over himself decided to ask — repeatedly — if it had been a good date. He was so embarrassed he didn’t even bother asking for a second date.

Bad timing

After going home with someone for the first time, my friend was sitting on the bed in her room when they heard a knock on the door. Don’t worry, it’s just her ex-boyfriend at 2 a.m., stopping by to pick up some of his stuff. On the upside, her son was staying with her exhusband, so at least neither of them would be interrupting.

Internet lurking

I know someone who is preparing for a job on an isolated Hawaiian island, so understandably she looked up her future coworkers online, ultimately finding the goldmine: an extensive blog of a very attractive coworker. Now she’s afraid she’ll accidentally mention something she knows about him before he reveals it in person.

Mixed signals

This happens so often and there’s so much to say about it that my friends used the term for their band name. I’ve had someone invite me over and then say they were busy when I asked for their address, give me their number and then never respond to messages and plenty of other examples. Some people will play games like this, but for many others it’s a deal breaker, especially if it starts early on.

Eye contact and cats

A friend went on a date with someone who refused to make eye contact with her and spent the entire time showing her pictures of cats and trying to explain different breeds despite her complete lack of interest. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he insisted on playing an electronic game that consisted of a woman taking her top off, and he was infuriated that intercourse wasn’t depicted.