The letter John McCain should have read

by Ogi Overman

Dear Sen. McCain: I am deeply honored that you would choose me above all the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of other Republicans who are more qualified than I to be your running mate. It is obviously the opportunity of a lifetime, a moment that I will cherish forever. It with utmost gratitude and humility, however, that I must decline your magnanimous offer.

As you know, I have a five-month old child with Down Syndrome, who will require an inordinate amount of care. Although I have a loving family and support system around me, I feel it is the primary responsibility of the mother to rear a child who will face difficulties in life most of us could not fathom. Time constraints being what they are, politics must some second, behind the well being of my infant child and family. But what you are not aware of, sir, is that there are some other family issues that your vetting team did not uncover, issues that could well be detrimental to your campaign. I must tell you that my 17-year-old unmarried daughter is five-months pregnant. Also, the father of the child has a MySpace page in which he uses some very vulgar, sexually charged language that would make even a godless, socialist

Democrat blush. Once the media finds out about this, the opposition will have a field day. And, given our mutual pro life stance, I can see the Democrats trotting out the Dan Quayle speech condemning TV’s Murphy Brown for having a child out of wedlock, thereby exposing us as hypocrites. Then there is my husband, whom I love dearly. You see, we Alaskans are a fiercely independent lot, and he joined a secessionist group. There are people who have seen me at their convention and will be only too happy to use it against me. You can imagine the political hay the Democrats would make of this. Your “Country First” slogan would be rendered moot, to say the least. Sir, I hadn’t really given my potential candidacy much thought because I presumed your vetting team would have discovered that I am currently under investigation by a non partisan board for abuse of power as governor. The claim has been made — falsely from my perspective — that I used my influence to get my slimy, wife-beating brother in law fired from a state office, a charge my lawyers are prepared to refute, but one that could cause you undue embarrassment. Moreover, I must admit that I wasn’t entirely truthful when I said that I opposedthe infamous Bridge to Nowhere. Actually, I am on record as havingsupported it before I opposed it. Needless to say, this would leave usopen to flip flopping charges, giving the opposition more politicalammo. Sir, I admire you for your stance against earmarks andpork-barrel spending, but I won’t be much help to you on that front,either. While mayor of Wasilla I applied for and received one of thelargest earmarks any town in Alaska has ever received. Makingmatters worse, it was one you personally opposed. Although I am proudof my record as mayor and governor, my fear is that the liberal mediaand the Democrats will seize on my lack of national experience, andtake away one of your strongest arguments against Obama. How can agovernor of a very small state compare with a senator from Illinoiswho seems, on the surface at least, very well-versed on a number ofissues. As chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee, I am afraid Iwould be no match for him in a debate over Iraq or any of the other global hot spots. Tell you the truth, I haven’t really kept up with Iraqtoo much. And while I may be able to help rally your conservative base,given my pro-life, pro-gun, anti-environment, creationist views, I fearthat the swing voters necessary to win the election will be driven offby my right-wing agenda. There are far more of them than hardcoreright-wingers like us, and this will simply make your job moredifficult in trying to convince them you are actually a maverickcentrist. And as far as the crucial women’s vote, I can tellyou absolutely that virtually none of the Hillary supporters will beswayed by my candidacy. They will consider it an insult to think thatthe mere fact that a female is on the ticket would matter. Since myviews are diametrically opposed to hers, I am no help to you there,either. So again, as I am sure you can now see, my candidacywould be more of a detriment than a help to you. Therefore, it is withgreat regret that I must respectfully decline your offer, Sen. McCain. Warmest regards and best of luck, Sarah Palin Governor of Alaska

Ogi may be reached at ogiman100@ and seen on “Triad Today” hosted by Jim Longworth on ABC 45 at 6:30 a.m. Fridays and on WMYV 48 at 10 p.m.