The naked truth

by YES! Weekly staff

By now we assume all of you have seen the image: that ghostly white, vaguely humanoid female form released to the media last week to illustrate the horrors of full-body scans, which are being introduced in airports in Canada, the UK and the Netherlands and could possibly make it to the United States within the year.

It’s terribly invasive, of course — the woman’s body is articulated clearly, her breasts and anal cleft clearly defined, and a suggestion of the outline of her genitals. We can see her jewelry, but not her hair, skin tone or facial expression. The overall efect is an as generic and sexless as a portrait of a human can get.

It’s anything but erotic, which is why we’re somewhat amused by the public outcry against… well, against security guards seeing us naked.

You can see everything! they shout. It’´s like being completely naked in front of everybody! What if the images get out?

First off, we say: Get over yourself. We are one of the fattest and least physically fit countries in the developed world. Chances are that nobody wants to see you naked. Get a good look around you; most of us are trolls.

But what of our cherished celebrities? they bemoan.

Their airport stills will make it to the tabloids! The internet!

To that we say… well, yes, they probably will, at first — until people figure out that the naked shot of Natalie Portman’´s full-body scan they’´ve downloaded is indistinguishable from a similar shot of Fergie, or the woman from the coffee shop, or your sister. And frankly, as it stands naked pictures of celebrities are not all that hard to come by. Or so we’´ve heard.

And then there’´s that last vestige of our puritanical past:

What of the children?

We admit this is something of a sticking point. While we have no desire to enable pedophiles, at this point we must believe that the Transportation Security Administration has a stringent enough screening process that child pornographers will raise some flags.

Because this is serious business: On Christmas Day a man boarded a plane in Amsterdam headed for Detroit with a bomb in his underwear. That the legion of religious zealots who wish to do us harm are largely incompetent is to our benefit — seriously, Detroit? — but I sure would rest easier on a flight if I knew everyone on board was scrutinized as thoroughly as possible.

And we say that if what you can do for your country is to let people see you naked, that is preferable to another terrorist attack like the ones this country and many others have suffered in the last decade.

Seriously, it’´s no big deal. And everyone seemed to love it when it happened to the governor of California in YES! Weekly chooses to exercise its right to express editorial opinion in our publication. In fact we cherish it, considering opinion to be a vital component of any publication. The viewpoints expressed represent a consensus of the YES! Weekly editorial staff, achieved through much deliberation and consideration