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What if it actually went down that way?

I always enjoy the end of March and the preparation for an issue where we writers are allowed to flex our humor muscles and write sarcastic and satirical things about our community. It’s almost like I get to write what I wish happening, rather than write about the things that are actually happening whether I like it or not. It’s like a “What if?” issue, and those of us that enjoy writing creative fiction on the side (for fun!) get to write as if the crazy things that aren’t happening, actually are.

For instance, what if Jason Cannon never supposedly lied on his resume and didn’t get the job as CEO of Downtown Greensboro Incorporated? How would that have affected downtown Greensboro, and what would have happened to the money that was paid to him when he left? Chances are it would have been put to good use in the city, rather than padding his bank account for whatever endeavor he is currently undertaking. Also, there wouldn’t have been headlines for weeks turning it into a story, when the reality was that a young man was just given a job that he was probably quite competent at performing, but fudged a little bit on his resume to get him in the door. Nepotism is nothing new.

What if Greensboro welcomed Olaeris’ bid to headquarter itself in the Triad, thus making Greensboro a hub of technology and progress in the unmanned aerial surveillance world? Would crime have been cut in half, which is what Olaeris said would happen? Would search and rescue operations save tax dollars by sending a drone in to see what and where the rescued party was located? We’ll never know because Olaeris isn’t coming to the Triad, and we won’t be a hub for drone technology.

What if the International Civil Rights Center Museum wasn’t constantly surrounded with controversy about how and where the funds are being allocated? Would the Civil Rights Museum actually be a reason for people to visit the historical landmark, rather than it being somewhat of a joke for residents who know that it is being mismanaged? The ICRCM might actually become a viable source of income and teaching, rather than a building that struggles to explain where all the money went.

What if marijuana was actually decriminalized in North Carolina and all the farmland that was once used for tobacco was used for marijuana? How would that affect the farmers? How would that affect the local economy? Following the states that passed medical marijuana already, there’s a good chance that a state like North Carolina could benefit greatly from an added source of agriculture revenue.

It’s fun taking a moment to write something that is untrue. Half the time I read the newspaper nowadays I find myself having to double-take on certain stories because the truth is often so unbelievable. When I click a link on Facebook or Twitter and my first inclination is that it’s an Onion article, and it’s not, I shake my head.

The fact is everyone loves blood.

Traffic jams due to accidents happen because everyone needs to stop and get a glimpse of the wreckage before tweeting or posting about it online; about how crazy it was; about how much fire there was; about the bodies lining the road; and about how lucky they are to not have been the one in the accident. Leading up to the wreckage it’s all complaining about traffic and how late the driver is going to be. Arriving on the scene changes the whole attitude, and passing it just leaves it behind in the dust, and onto the next shiny, or bloody, thing.

We took some liberties this week with stories because we have a lot of laughs in the newsroom. We were thinking about writing hilarious, self-aggrandizing pieces in the voices of other local writers just to poke fun. But we respect other writers. We work with other writers, whether we are coworkers or not, we all work together.

Our jobs put us in the field, and living in the Triad means we all chase a lot of the same leads hoping to be the one that writes it first, and that writes it best.

I know that everyone who writes at YES! Weekly is the best. We have freelancers that pitch stories and write because they love it (lord knows it’s not for the money), and that passion translates to compelling stories about local politics, art, music, and everything going on in Winston-Salem, Greensboro and High Point.

I respect all my fellow journalists in the area, even if I am trying to beat them to the story. The only thing I can’t stand is when a journalist tries to take credit for any change based on a prediction they made before. Congratulations! You have a soapbox with which to voice your opinion. How is that different from a Facebook status update? Don’t congratulate yourself just because you were able to derive a predictable scenario based on research. That’s called “journalism,” and you don’t get a gold star just for doing your job.

Other than that, it was pretty awesome watching Winston-Salem Mayor Allen Joines wrestle Senator Trudy Wade in a kiddie pool filled with Jell- O. I can’t tell you who won, but I’m pretty sure the students at Greensboro Day School got a laugh when Wade pulled Joines’ pants down. Sike. Happy April Fool’s Day. !

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