White House Throws Scooter Under the Bus
Ah Scooter, we hardly knew ye. Barely a month ago I dare say 99 percent of the country had never even heard of you and now, just look at you, a national disgrace, facing five felony counts, unemployed, and, to add insult to injury, on crutches after breaking your foot. I don’t blame you though, Scooter, I’d kick something too if I’d gotten myself in the mess you’re in.
What the heck happened? It just doesn’t add up, Scooter. (You don’t mind if I call you ‘Scooter,’ do you? Since they call me ‘Ogi,’ I figured you’d understand.) You’ve always been so meticulous, so thorough, so detail-oriented. Heck, one of the talking heads even said you were so methodical that it bordered on being anal retentive.
So what gives? How could you have been so careless as to have mentioned the fact that Valerie Plame was a covert CIA agent to no fewer than seven people, including three reporters, all of whom were in a position to contradict your sworn testimony before special counsel Patrick Fitzgerald? Surely you must have known that he would eventually connect the dots and they would lead straight to you.
And that’s what’s so puzzling, dear Scooter. It’s almost as if you wanted them to catch you. Hansel and Gretel couldn’t have laid out a better trail than you. You might as well have painted ‘Arrest Me!’ on your forehead in day-glo colors.
I must tell you, I think they’re onto you. I would expect commentators like Chris Matthews of ‘“Hardball’” and Keith Olbermann of ‘“Countdown’” to suspect some hanky-panky, but when that cute little bowtie-wearing right-winger Tucker Carlson figures it out, I’ve gotta believe you’re in some deep doo doo. Right after the indictments came down Tucker said he’d had dinner with a friend of yours that evening who said that this was so out-of-character for you that it just didn’t add up. The implication, of course, was that it was intentional, that you were covering something up or protecting someone. Perhaps, in your own mind, there was a greater good that justified leaking a CIA agent’s identity.
But what could it be? There’s more to it than that little leak thingy, right? Now they’re all talking about that ‘… you know, uranium and Niger and forged documents and doctoring the intelligence and all that. The Washington press corps has suddenly grown a pair and is not going to let this story die. They smell a Watergate and the little Woodwards and Bernsteins are coming out of the woodwork trying to chase it down. No longer it is up to the bloggers like the Huffington Post and Talking Points Memo to raise these prickly questions. Now the mainstream press wants to know how far up the food chain this seeming cover-up went and what exactly is it you know but aren’t telling.
And what may be even worse is that the Democrats ‘— you remember, those fellows and Hilary who rolled over and played dead when you guys were fabricating intelligence to justify unilaterally invading Iraq ‘— have suddenly realized they’ve got your boys by the nads and are starting to squeeze. I mean, what got into that Harry Reid, the senator from Nevada who shut down the Senate and demanded a closed session? Geez, now the Senate Committee on Intelligence is going to have to issue the report they’ve been hoping everybody would forget about that reveals just how bogus the claims were about Saddam’s nucular (I like that word, don’t you, boys and girls, nucular?) and biological weapons capability. All that crap the Big Kahuna said about the smoking gun being a mushroom cloud was just a clever marketing ploy. You guys were sitting around making stuff up, weren’t you?
But here’s what should really worry you, Scooter: Sooner or later somebody in the White House is going to drop a dime on you. Look, we all know your three unindicted co-conspirators promised you they’d take care of you after all this blows over, that the four of you would leave the White House very, very rich men. We know you pledged your kith and ken so that the investigation would be capped before it got any higher up the ladder, but here’s the thing: Somebody lower down the ladder knows the real deal. Some equivalent to Colson or Dean or Stans or Macgruder or Segretti is going to sing like Charlie and Inez Foxx to save their own skin once they feel the noose tightening.
In a way, your fidelity is admirable, Scooter, but it’s misplaced. Your loyalty should have been to the American people, not to your bosses. But no, you bought into that neo-con hooey about spreading democracy through force and stopping terrorism over there rather than here, and look where it got you.
As The Duh says, freedom’s on the march ‘— but it sure ain’t yours.
Ogi can be reached at ogi@yesweekly and heard each Tuesday from 9:30’–10 a.m. on WGOS 1070 AM.