YES! Weekly discriminates against ‘Triad Today’

by Jim Longworth

I am a loyal reader of YES! Weekly. In fact, I read it from cover to cover. My favorite sections are the ads for gentlemen’s clubs, and Jim Longworth’s column, both of which I find stimulating. Not only is Mr. Longworth a columnist, but he also hosts a TV show on abc45 called “Triad Today,” the only locally produced public affairs program on commercial television in the entire Piedmont. And that brings me to my complaint against YES! Weekly.

Once again it is time for YES! Weekly readers to cast their votes for the Best of the Triad, and, once again, there are no categories for either Best Local Public Affairs TV show or Best Host of a local Public Affairs TV Show. I met with YES! Weekly’s fascist editor, Mr. Brian Clarey, to complain about this oversight. His response was, “We can’t have a category which has only one possible winner.” It was a pretty lame excuse if you ask me, but what can you expect from a left-wing, radical author.

First of all, it’s not Mr. Longworth’s fault that there is only one local public affairs TV show in the area. Second, the contest is to determine “Triad’s Best,” so it only follows that if “Triad Today” is the only possible winner in a newly formed category, then it is also the Triad’s Best in that category. This is a travesty, and it proves that YES! Weekly just caters to the mainstream media. Certainly, Kimberly Van Scoy and Cindy Farmer are talented, sexy news babes, but why do they get a category and Mr. Longworth does not? Mr. Clarey would probably argue that he is limited on space and can only accommodate a certain number of categories. Bull. Right now, the Triad’s Best ballot contains more than 160 different categories, so two more wouldn’t make that much difference. But even if limited space WAS a legitimate reason for excluding a category for “Triad Today,” then we should take time to examine the validity of and rationale for some of those other categories.

Best Book Store: are you kidding? Borders is gone, and that just leaves Barnes & Noble. So why have the category?

Best Place to Groom Your Pet: This is a stupid category. Everyone knows the best place to groom your pet is in a garage.

Best Place to Get Married: Church is the only possible answer, so, again, no need for a category.

Best Karoke: How can you give an award to a place that plays music with no lyrics?

Best Waxing: Here I am totally confused. I know they do some of this at Old Salem with Moravian candles, but why give it a category in YES! Weekly?

Best Local Author: The fix is in on this category because Brian Clarey runs ads for his own book in his own paper.

Best Piercing Studio: As far as I’m concerned the music at all of these clubs is piercing to the ear, and they deserve no recognition in this contest.

Best Mexican: This category is both racist, and it encourages local businesses to hire undocumented workers.

Worst Use of Public Funds: Why does John Edwards get his own category and Jim Longworth doesn’t?

Mr. Clarey even has two categories for the same thing: Best Public Pool, and Best Place to Shoot Pool.

And, he has wasted three spaces on one category for Best Grocery. There’s one category for Greensboro, one for High Point and one for Winston-Salem. Harris Teeter is in all three towns, so what’s the rationale?

The more I think about this, the angrier I get. I’m not one to make casual threats, but if YES! Weekly doesn’t add the two categories I have suggested, then I will stop reading the paper, and I will advise both of my friends to do the same. I don’t know how I will survive without gentlemen’s club ads, but someone has to stand up against blatant discrimination, and I guess that will be me. I’m John Doe, and I approved this message.

Jim Longworth is the host of “Triad Today,” airing on Saturdays at 7:30 a.m. on ABC45 (cable channel 7) and Sundays at 11am on WMYV (cable channel 15)