YES! Weekly’s ten best GSO internet videos

by Brian Clarey

“Ahead of the Curve”

Veoh (need an account to see full footage); 6:46; posted by ntl807

Greensboro’s own Tom Lassiter put together a short piece about the city’s progressive blogging community just before ConvergeSouth 2005, the new media convention held last spring at NC A&T University. The piece features scenes of the city and spots by local bloggers Ben Hwang, Jay Ovittore, Rib Kings David Hoggard and Herb Everett and blogfather Ed Cone. The piece is a classic because in it you can hear local scribe Sue Polinsky describe the city as being “ugly with talent.”

“50 Cent Barney”

Google Video; 0:20; posted by Adam Yosin

I’m not saying that the kids who made this video were high. I’m just saying that whoever shot this footage of an animatronic Barney toy that raps and throws like dangerous rapper 50 Cent was likely partying like it was dey birffday, judging by the giggles and snorting laughter, and also the fact that the footage is shot completely sideways.

“Holiday Greetings from 1LT Amber Spain”

Google Video; 0:20; posted by Army and Air Force Hometown News

Ready for a warm fuzzy? Download this short spot featuring Army First Lieutenant Amber Spain taken somewhere very arid, with palm trees and concrete roadblocks in the background. She’s wishing a happy Mother’s Day to her grandma, Carrie Jane Graves, in Reidsville. It’s a genuinely touching moment. Amber: we’re thinking about you. Get home soon.

“It’s A Celebration B*^%$es!!!

(Fun 4th Fools)”

MySpace Video; 1:43; posted by J Yvonne

This short clip was taken this past Fourth of July on Davie Street, in front of Twiggy’s, during the Fun Fourth street festival. It shows a thin crowd of partiers doing the getdown on the pavement. Of particular interest is the guy in jeans with the big keychain and the dude in the backbrace/wrist sling who manages admirable feats of groove while holding his drink in his one good hand.

“The Greensboro Massacre”

YouTube; 2:46; posted by ascensions

Two and a half minutes of ugly history – actual footage of the Greensboro Massacre, starting off with people singing protest songs and children in khaki uniforms and red berets and then the slow caravan of cars holding the Klan and their Nazi allies. Nelson Johnson screams in the streets, taunting the cars, and then there is a squeal of brakes followed by a scuffle and then muted pops of gunfire. The fascists pull weapons from the trunk of a car and the body count begins, with nary a cop in sight.

“Greensboro College The Interview

with Two Co-eds”

YouTube; 9:56; posted by wjwheler

Ten agonizing minutes that document what happens when two wankers sneak into a women’s dorm with a video camera. It’s not exactly Girls Gone Wild – from the hairstyles, clothes and the labels on the Budweiser tall boys it looks to be from some time back in the ’80s and the production values are just terrible. Highlights include episodes of inept flirting and surreptitious butt shots of some girl named Trish by two guys posing as journalists (For Shame!). I can’t believe I watched the whole thing.

“Civil Rights March of Greensboro”

YouTube; 1:01 by ascension

A hot minute of black-and-white footage, no sound, of the peaceful march on Elm Street after the Woolworth Sit-ins of Feb. 1, 1960. The images include a procession of dignified marchers moving slowly and purposefully past the five-and-dime, and also a few seconds of a couple Greensboro cops in the old uniform, which is a near duplicate of the ones worn in Mayberry.

“John’s Favorite Instrument”

YouTube; 2:52; posted by Molly McGinn

Who says you can’t pack a lifetime’s worth of drama into three minutes? This clip is the story of hardship and loss, a dream deferred, a promise unfulfilled. It centers on a Greensboro man named John who, while sucking back a Kool and a Sprite on the street over by the Depot, recounts his lifelong passion for music and how, like lovers with bad timing, it was never meant to be. You’ll laugh. You’ll cry. You’ll say, “Just let the guy play his recorder, dammit.” And then you’ll watch it again.

“crazy dancing jon”

YouTube; 0:00; posted by winkie87

Yes, you read that right: This clip is less than a second long, but I’ve been laughing about it for days. It features a college guy with a bushy head of hair – Jon, presumably – about to get into a car with his friends, possibly for a night on the town. Before he gets in, Jon raises his hands and delivers an emphatic pelvic thrust. Just one. Funnier when viewed on a loop.

“Tracci [sic] Getting Spanked”

MySpace Video; 0:25; posted by Adamas

There’s nothing Greensboro internet-hoppers like more than a girlfight, and this very quick clip of a UFW wrestling show somewhere in town satisfies. It shows wrestler Traci Brooks, in the black fishnets, getting put into a dubious submission hold by Amber O’Neal, in the pink Spandex, while a baseball-capped fan spanks her. Three times. God bless cyberspace.