Archives

[YOST IN THE MACHINE]

 

 

By Scott Yost

Now it can be told

All of us here at YES! Weekly were sad to hear of the sudden closing of the Rhinoceros Times last week.

Here at YES!, we have always viewed the Rhinoceros Times as the loyal opposition and, though in the past we’ve competed with the Rhino for some of the same advertising dollars, still we were sad to see the publication go away.

I know that for me at least, even though I write a column for YES!, in some strange way I feel almost as though the closing of the Rhinoceros Times affects me personally.

As much as the local newspapers in the Triad like to bash each other, those papers and the people who run them and write for them are all one family. Not necessarily one big family though — the family is getting smaller by the minute.

And it’s a highly dysfunctional family. Still, a family nonetheless. You could even say the family is “incestuous,” given the way area writers often jump from one publication to another.

In fact, some readers may not know it, but, before I went to work for YES!, I used to occasionally do some writing here and there for the Rhinoceros Times.

I remember it like it was yesterday — as opposed to it being, say, a week ago, which is the actual time period.

Another interesting tidbit people may not be aware of is that, years ago, my editor here at YES!, Brian Clarey, used to write for the real estate section of the Rhino.

Now, back when I was working at the Rhino, the whole time I was there I secretly wanted to work for YES!, because I really liked the publication and thought it was doing some excellent, cutting-edge stuff, and because I think the world of Editor Brian Clarey and Publisher Charles Womack and I feel the exact same way about anyone else at YES! who is now responsible for my paycheck.

On Tuesday morning, April 30, I was at home working on stories for that week’s Rhino.

I knew something strange was up about 9 a.m. that day because I got a text saying there was a meeting at 10 a.m. The Rhinoceros Times never, ever has meetings. After the text came, a co-worker called me and asked what the meeting was about, but I had no idea.

I told him, “Well, I’m not sure what it’s about, but if I had to guess, I’ll bet it’s not to announce that we are all getting big raises.”

And he was like, “Well, thanks for that information, Yost — I’ll mark that off my list of possibilities.”

Wednesday morning, when I was packing up my desk, my iPhone rang. It was Clarey; he asked if I could meet at the Green Bean.

A Rhino coworker who heard the conversation said, “That was fast.”

At the Green Bean, Clarey and I talked about me writing a column for YES!, and I was like, “Well, you know, that’s a big decision and a lot to think about…. Where do I sign?” Brian later came up with a name for the column, “Yost in the Machine,” which I like, because life sometimes feels like a machine that you are stuck in it.

Somebody once said, the more things change, the more they stay the same, but I came up with my own saying the other night: The more things change, the more they change.

Nothing is certain anymore: Jobs, relationships, you name it. Even the phrase “money in the bank” has lost it’s meaning. It used to be that when you used the expression, “Oh, it’s money in the bank,” that meant it was a sure thing. Now, as anyone in Cyprus can tell you, “It’s money in the bank” means: “Oh no, the money is in the bank? Well, good luck trying to get it out.”

The normal world order began unraveling years ago.

You just woke up one day and the world’s best golfer was black and the world’s best rapper was white. You did a double take and thought to yourself: Something’s gotten strange.

And now Greensboro is becoming like Bizarro Greensboro. Julie Luck at News 2, Scott Yost writing for YES!

Weekly, cats sleeping with dogs… and I heard that Rhino Times Editor John Hammer is going to work for the Obama press office to help spread the good news about all of the president’s initiatives.

So I guess you never know what’s coming next in life. By writing this column right now, I feel like I’m cheating on my wife, but, you know, if your wife died suddenly, well, that’s not your fault and it technically makes you a free man.

And, as you know, they do say that the best thing you can do when your wife dies is get right back on the horse again. Sleeping with another woman right away does make you feel guilty — especially if your wife just died a week ago. But sleeping with another woman also makes you feel good — and hot and bothered — which is, after all, why you do it despite the guilt.

And it’s not like I’m just sleeping around. This is a relationship that could last a while.

Share: