letters to the editor
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ON HAVING MOXY
Hey Brian, I sadly read the plight of local body painter Foxy Moxy in your periodical [“Banned on Facebook”; 14, 2011; by Ogi Overman]. Censorship has always been a problem for creative artists, and small-minded persons can be so, well, small-minded, but remember, both Nietzsche and Howard Johnson assure us that out of chaos comes order. This crisis could be Foxy Moxy’s wake up call: Girl, get into politics!
I have long been concerned about American vice, and after carefully, uh, scrutinizing Foxy Moxy’s, uh, background — it’s not bad, not bad at all — I can think of no person better qualified to oversee America’s vice than Vice President Foxy Moxy. In fact, American vice is now in such peril that we may also need a vice vice president to assist her. I would like to see Tiger Roxxx assume the position.
And for president? Who else but Unknown Hinson. Think about it. Recently I took an impromptu poll, with the following results: Who’s going to balance the budget? Unknown. Who’s going to balance our trade deficit? Unknown. Who’s going to make America once again a respected world leader? Unknown. Finally, all agreed that the winner of the next Super Bowl to be: Unknown.
Well, tell Unknown to forget about the Super Bowl. He needs to get his skinny little butt out there campaigning so’s he can get elected and save the country. As for myself, I would be proud to serve as founder and treasurer of the Unknown Hinson for Prezzydent Fund.
To prove their mettle, I challenge Unknown Hinson, Foxy Moxy and Tiger Roxxx to come up with a scheme, uh, plan to improve education in North Carolina. Here’s a suggestion:
Find a way to cut high school dropouts in half. Or how about healthcare? Maybe they can get them little aliens that gave Whitley Strieber and the late Budd Hopkins their nocturnal nether probes to branch out into other areas of medicine.
Some may scoff and doubt that a ghoulish, grave-robbin’ guitarist and two enthusiastic ecdysiasts can provide the leadership our country needs. To them I say, well, we’ve tried everything else.
Bill Bloxham, Winston-Salem NC