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ryan’s forecast

by Ryan Snyder

ryan’s forecast

upcoming shows you should check out

CELEBRITY DEATH MATCH: R. KELLY VS. MILEY CYRUS

There’s a paraphilia joke to be made here somewhere, but I don’t want to spoil the thrill of the hunt. Noted undinist R. Kelly (www.r-kelly. com) and annoying pop princess Miley Cyrus (www.mileycyrus.com) will square off at the Greensboro Coliseum Complex this Sunday in separate gigs barely a hundred yards apart. While Cyrus (or Hannah Montana, if someone gets their homework done in time) gets the big room at the Coliseum, R. Kelly plays the slightly smaller Special Events Center. It’s fortunate that there will be a serious amount of concrete between the two shows, as Kelly’s unhealthy taste for underage girls is well documented, along with Cyrus’ aptitude on stripper poles, but less fortunate for fans of both artists. It’s sure to be an unnecessary traffic nightmare, so do your part and stay the F away from West Lee Street that night. The Cyrus show starts at 7 p.m. and tickets are $39.50, $59.50 and $79.50. Jesus. R. Kelly starts at 7:30 and tickets are an even more baffling $49.50 and $59.50.

STERILIZED CHRISTMAS MUSIC, WITH A DASH OF EPILEPSY

They’re making the North Carolina rounds over a month before Christmas, so we may as well get it out of the way. Trans-Siberian Orchestra (www.trans-siberian.com) will be at the Greensboro Coliseum on Wednesday, Nov. 25 and for those unfamiliar, it’s basically a mix of classic and original holiday tunes on steroids. That’s not to say it’s not worth seeing, however. It’s a little cheesy, but still a performance of very high quality and outstanding musicianship that both young and old can enjoy. I’ve even heard some describe it as “a life-changing experience.” To those, I say you might want to get out more. The orchestra is a 36-strong ensemble of classical musicians, vocalists, narrators and face-melting ’80s hairmetal guitarists. Yes, you read that last part right. Alex Skolnik, formerly of Savatage, leads the cast through the rock opera/symphonic metal renditions of “Hark the Herald Angels,” “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” and their own original, similarly-themed work. You might remember the YouTube video that caught fire a few years ago of the house with the ridiculous lighting array perfectly synched up with TSO’s “Wizards of Winter.” Well, TSO’s light shows are similarly gaudy. Tickets for the show range from $25 to $58 and there are two shows, one at 4 p.m. and one at 8 p.m.

CHUCK PROPHET, REAL AMERICANA HERO

His songs have been covered by Alejandro Escovedo, Solomon Burke, Kim Carnes and Heart, but the real deal is coming to the Garage. One of the great unknown American songwriters, Chuck Prophet (www. chuckprophet.com) has been a prolific creator of innovative rock music that imbues a typically Stonesy architecture with influence from a variety of genres. Since his days with seminal alt-country band Green on Red, he’s released more than 20 albums and has co-written Escovedo’s newest release Real Animal. Prophet has a new release of his own which he’s touring behind entitled Let Freedom Ring, which puts his gritty, Tom Pettylike voice out in front. The evening will be hosted by Jeffrey Dean Foster (www.jeffreydeanfoster.com), who will also perform. The show starts at 8:30 p.m. and tickets are $12 in advance and $15 at the door.

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