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ryan’s forecast

by Ryan Snyder

upcoming shows you should check out

BRITNEY, BABY, ONE MORE TIME

By the age of 29, you can start to see star NFL running backs break down. Over thousands of carries, their bodies absorb countless hits, tweaks, bruises, scrapes and breaks that would send the average Joe Shmoe permanently couch bound. Britney Spears is now at that age, and you could say that she’s starting to reap what she’s sewn with her mantra of “hit me baby, one more time.” Reviews for her current Femme Fatale tour are mixed at best, though when you filter certain “compromised” sources, they’re actually pretty bad. Common criticisms include her dance moves being old hat, too much lip-syncing, too many visual distractions covering up the appalling lack of substance and poor set list, etc. Common praise includes she’s still pretty hot. When Britney comes to North Carolina Wednesday and Thursday for shows in Raleigh and Charlotte respectively, it might not be as bad as watching the wheels fall off of Shaun Alexander, but she might be a rare case where the looks are the last thing to go. Tickets for either show range from $29.50 to $350.00.

YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT ‘TIL IT’S GONE

One of these days, those old blues legends are going to start dropping like flies. Now say that again, only replace “blues legends” with hair-metal front men. Hard living claims them all eventually. Warrant front man Jani Lane was only 47 when booze and scrips did him in last week, less than half of the age that David “Honeyboy” Edwards is now or Pinetop Perkins when he passed a few months ago. So when LA Guns comes to Ziggy’s next Wednesday, Aug. 31, take this moment to see the greats while they’re still around. But which LA Guns is this? The Phil Lewis or the Tracii Guns version? The Magic 8-ball says this will be the Phil Lewis incarnation with drummer Steve Riley and guitarist Stacey Blades. Whoopee. The show starts at 8 p.m. with Haiz Rail and 3 Quarter’s Dead in support. Tickets are $10 in advance and $15 at the door.

THIS IS REAL LIFE, NOT AN EPISODE OF ‘THE MONKEES’

Like obscure references? Try this on: “Look! He’s being followed by Michael Nesmith! Hey, did you know my mom invented Liquid Paper?” It’s an obscure reference to an obscure reference! That, of course, is a line from MST3K episode 406 Attack of the Giant Leeches where Mike Nelson and Crow riff on the old chestnut about Monkee Mike Nesmith and his mom’s awesome patent. I could go on for hours with the great Monkees allusions. Remember Norm MacDonald on “SNL” suggesting Nesmith rejoined the Monkees because he, of course, “is known as the last original Monkee to run out of money?” That was a good one. Apparently, he’s flush with cash now, because he’s not a part of the Monkees 45 th anniversary tour that’s coming to the Durham Performing Arts Center next Thursday, Sept. 1. Tickets start at $45 and the show starts at 8 p.m.

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