To St. Patrick’s Day: “Saint Patrick was a gentleman, Who through strategy and stealth, Drove all the snakes from Ireland, Here’s a toastingto his health. But not too many toastings Lest you lose yourself andthen Forget the good Saint Patrick And see see all those snakes again.”
• The Irish attempt at scaling Mount Everest was a valiant effort, but it failed: They ran out of scaffolding. • The Doctor was puzzled ‘I’m very sorry Mr O’Flaherty, but I can’t diagnose your trouble. I think it must be drink.’ ‘Don’t worry about it Dr Cullen, I’ll come back when you’re sober.’ said O’ Flaherty. • Where were you going when I saw you coming back?
• I ran after you, but when I caught up to you you’d gone.
• ‘What’s wrong with Murphy?’ asked Father Green. ‘I don’t know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn’t stirred since,’ said Mrs Murphy. • ‘How far is it to the next village?’ asked the American tourist. ‘It’s about seven miles,’ guessed the farmer.
‘But it’s only five if you run!’ • ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
• ‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick Requested of the ravelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man.
‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick.
• ‘The baby is just like his father,’ said Mary Quinn. ‘But at least he’s got his health!’
• ‘I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!’Funny Irish Jokes
Things that only the illogical Irish would say:
1. ‘You three are a right pair if ever I saw one!’
2. ‘How come every time you ring a wrong number it’s never engaged?’
3. ‘Spread out in a bunch.’ 4. ‘Hello, Mary, how’s your new false teeth?’ asked Bridget. ‘I’m leaving them out till I get used to them!’ said Mary.
Will and Guy take the view that the equivalent of an ‘Irish joke’ has existed since the dawn of times. It’s as though every culture has independently developed this genre for spinning yarns and telling jokes. Even Belgium, not a country noted for its humour has ‘Walloon Jokes’.
Digging a Hole
A passer-by watched two Irishmen in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again. ‘Tell me, ‘said the passer-by, ‘What on earth are you doing?’ ‘Well, ‘said the digger, ‘Usually there are three of us. I dig, Fergal plants the tree and Sean fills in the hole. Today Fergal is away unwell, but that doesn’t mean Sean and I have to take the day off, does it?’
The Irish arrive in America
An Irishman arrived at Boston’s Logon airport and
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